Astris and Thea finally make it to the Ribbon. While there they learn about their pasts, and about the history of the Gods.
Season 2
Episode 4 - Viva Vamp Vegas
Scene 1 - Carry Carmilla
[Int: Cave tunnels. DM, Thea, Astris, Kinkfloof, Carmilla]
[SFX - footsteps]
DM:
Welcome back lovely listeners. Thea, Astris, Carmilla and Kinkfloof walk through the underground tunnels that lead to the Ribbon. It's been almost a week since Thea and Astris helped liberate Sedimenterra and the Silk Ring. Thea's attendants flutter behind her, sewing a garment out of silk gifted to her by Queen Ostrava.
Thea:
Carmillaaaaa, how much longer? My feet hurt.
Carmilla:
Not much longer Thea, I assure you. I'm not exactly having an easy time adjusting to this new leg.
Astris:
Oh, let me help with that, Carmilla.
[SFX: scoop]
Carmilla:
Usually I'd demand you put me down, but taking the pressure off my leg is rather nice. (pause) (flirty)
Astris, have you gotten more muscular since I saw you last?
Thea:
(grinning) She sure has. Go ahead, squeeze that bicep.
Carmilla:
(squeeze) Wow, that's very firm.
Astris:
Aw, shucks guys.
Kinkfloof:
Do you three need a room?
Thea:
Awww, is someone nervous to go back to the Ribbon?
Kinkfloof:
No!... Yes. You wouldn't want to go back either if you were gonna be in trouble.
Thea:
That depends on if Oberon would be giving me a spanking or not.
Astris:
It's not a punishment if you want to be spanked, Thea.
Carmilla:
You'll be fine Kinkfloof, the Lady's bark is worse than her bite. (to Astris) And this will be your first time meeting Lady Lilith in person, Astris. Are you nervous?
Astris:
Yes? A little? I wouldn't say I'm scared of her or anything, she's only ever helped us, but I am anxious to say the least.
Carmilla:
(reassuring) Like I said to Kinkfloof, Astris - The Lady's bark is worse than her bite. She cares for the world outside the Ribbon, even when it does not care for her.
Thea:
I bet you'd know that better than most, Officer Concubine. I'm sure you're eager to see her. (sigh) Oberon is so far away… Sometimes I'm afraid I'll never see him again.
Carmilla:
I understand your fears Thea. I was afraid I would never see my Lady Lilith again. And how I have missed the Ribbon. The constant red glow, the music, the bustle of the streets… (sigh) I've been away for far too long.
Thea:
Music? There's a big music scene in the Ribbon?
Carmilla:
The Ribbon is absolutely brimming with musical talent. You'll fit right in Thea.
Thea:
Say, Carmilla? Have you ever heard of a musician called AJ Quinn?
Carmilla:
(it's like Thea just asked if she's ever heard of Elvis)
AJ Quinn? Who hasn't heard of AJ Quinn. He's only one of the biggest acts to ever come from the Ribbon. He even used to tour topside.
Thea:
Shit, he's that famous? Is he, like, still around?
Carmilla:
Last I saw he had a residency at Jurkus Jurkus. I'll point it out when we go by.
Astris:
Hey, I think I see those red lights you were talking about Carmilla.
DM:
A faint crimson glow begins to permeate the massive cavern they're in. The cave is so large the ceiling is nothing but shadow. They come to a cliff edge only for Carmilla to casually hop from Astris’ arms right off the ledge.
Astris:
Carmilla!
[beat]
Carmilla:
What? It's this way, just walk off the lip of the ledge. You won't fall, I swear.
Thea:
I still think I'm gonna bust out my new wings for this.
DM:
Thea's rainbow wings of fire sprout from her back as she lifts off the ground and flies out and under the ledge. The gravity shift throws her for a loop but she rights herself. Kinkfloof spreads his wings and follows suit, and Thea catches him in the air to give him a cuddle.
DM:
Astris pushes down her apprehension and awkwardly crawls over the ledge, the shift in gravity makes her fall on her face. As Carmilla helps Astris to her feet they stare at the breathtaking sight before them. A massive city of bright lights, all cloaked in a hazy red glow.
Thea:
Wow… so that's the Ribbon…
Kinkfloof:
(sniffing)
I can smell the fried food from here.
Scene 2 - Inside Ribbon
[Ext: Ribbon. DM, Thea, Astris, Kinkfloof, Carmilla, Lilithite]
Carmilla:
Welcome to the Ribbon. (deep breath) It's good to be home.
Thea:
Wow. I had no idea cities like this existed. There's so much light, so much activity, so much food! This place makes Utopia seem shabby!
DM:
As they walk through the streets, making their way to the center of the city, they see buildings so tall they can barely make out the tops of them. All the buildings are lit up with flashing magical light, displaying the names of establishments and entertainment acts. The streets are filled with locals going about their work, groups sightseeing, and people advertising their shows.
Carmilla:
Oh, Thea there's Jurkus Jurkus. That's where AJ Quinn plays his residency. He's been there for years at this point.
DM:
Thea looks up to see a massive billboard with flashing lights, featuring a purple-skinned tiefling with golden eyes and wild dark hair shredding on a guitar.
Thea:
Oh… wow shit okay.
Astris:
That guy looks like he could be your dad Thea.
Thea:
He literally might be Astris.
[SFX footsteps approach]
Lilithite:
Carmilla! The Red Lady felt your presence when you crossed over into The Ribbon. Make hence at once forthwith to the Claret Cathedral.
Astris:
I guess we should head there then.
Lilithite:
Ahh the daughter of Lilith has come! Praise the Paladin of blood! Please, please, this way! Oh Lady Lilith will be so pleased you've arrived in time for the orgy.
Thea:
There's gonna be a vampire orgy today? Oh I'm so excited for this!
[SFX - footsteps]
Kinkfloof:
Uhh we don't have to go there first, do we? We could always eat first. Don't want to meet Lilith on an empty stomach…
Astris:
I'm sure everything will be alright, little guy. I’ll be with you the whole time.
Kinkfloof:
Yeah but…
Thea:
It's not your fault that Oberon was faster, and closer. Anyone who wants to punish you will have to get through Astris. Then me.
Kinkfloof:
(sighs, resigned) Alright. Let's go…
Scene 3 - Council of Elrond
[Int: Claret Cathedral. DM, Astris, Thea, Carmilla, Kinkfloof, Lilith, Oberon, Strix]
DM:
Their Lilithite guide leads them to the imposing Gothic structure that is the Claret Cathedral, home of Lilith herself. The exterior is sleek black stone that reflects the light of the city around it. The entrance is heavily guarded by rows of figures in black and red armor. While the outside is stark and foreboding, the inside is both sensual and artistic. The ceilings are decorated with frescos of orgies, nude statues of all shapes and sizes line the halls, and plush furnishings of velvet and leather fill every alcove. The guide leads them to a large metal door and bids them enter.
Carmilla:
You two head in. I'd rather greet my Lady without an audience.
Astris:
Okay, we'll find you later.
[Ext Carmilla]
[SFX foot steps, door creaks open, Oberon fade in]
Oberon:
Lilith, I cannot stay here for very long. This had better be important.
Thea:
(gasp) Daddy! (giggles)
[SFX - running footsteps, heeled]
DM:
The Green God turns as Thea leaps at him. His large antlers dip as he bows to catch her; his demeanor changing from stern to doting as he spins Thea in his arms. Her fairy attendants flit from her bag, dancing a ring around her and Oberon.
[SFX - impact landing bodies hehe, fabric rustle, Thea's ladies glitter tinkle]
Oberon:
(catching her) My lucious lilac, how I have missed you. (amused laugh) Ah, have your fairy attendants been keeping you well in my absence?
Thea:
They have, but there's no substitute for the real thing. What are you doing here? I didn’t know you could leave the Grove!
Lilith:
Ah, our guests of honor have arrived.
DM:
Lilith stands imposingly tall against the light of the great fireplace behind her. Her ruby eyes flash with amusement at Thea's display before landing their full intensity on Astris.
[sfx: astris takes a knee]
Astris:
Lady Lilith… Wow I can't believe it's really you. You're so tall, I barely come up to your elbows.
Lilith:
(chuckle) Daughter, we will talk later but it is good to finally have you home. Even if it is later than expected; isn't that right Calypso? Or — what are they calling you now? Kinkfloof? I'll deal with you later. Let us begin, I know how badly Oberon wants to return to his Grove.
Kinkfloof: (groan)
Oberon:
I no longer mind, seeing as the company has greatly improved.
Thea:
(satisfied chuckle, kiss)
DM:
A feathered figure wearing flowing robes of deep blue enters the room. She moves slowly, with a wooden staff to assist her slight limp as the fire light reveals her owl form. She stands a head shorter than Lilith but still imposingly tall; with black and brown plumage and piercing amber eyes.
Strix:
My apologies for being late. Please everyone, sit.
DM:
The metal doors to the room close on their own. The cracks fill with a shimmering vermillion substance, sealing them off from outside ears. Everyone takes their seats. Thea stays in Oberon's arms as he reclines back in a velvet arm chair. Astris sits near the fireplace with Kinkfloof on her lap. Strix takes a seat beside Oberon as Lilith takes the floor.
[SFX: some magic stuff]
Lilith:
It is safe to speak here now. Allow me to introduce the stranger in the room. This is Strix, goddess of knowledge and younger sister to myself and Oberon.
Thea:
You're all siblings?!
Strix:
So these are the new chosen? Hmmm, I have heard Francesca speak of you two. One more favorably than the other.
Astris:
(gasp) Strix, you know Francesca!?
Strix:
Yes, little Paladin. I am who she found when she reached out for knowledge.
Astris:
Ohhhh! So you're the shock of blue that's been flashing through the nodes. Nice to finally meet you.
Thea:
I'm sorry, new chosen? Can we elaborate more on that please? Because I'm confused.
Lilith:
Certainly you didn't think you were the first mortals to be called upon for service. And I must say, you two are doing so much better than the previous ones. Seeing as you're not dead yet. Well done my Paladin.
Thea:
Oberon? What does she mean?
Oberon:
(sigh) Foreboding as always, Lilith. Please do not intentionally frighten my bride. (to Thea) Do not let my sister’s words upset you, my glistening guava.
Lilith:
I only speak the truth, Oberon. We don't exactly have the best track record keeping our chosen alive. I don't understand why you still get so attached.
Thea:
Astris and I are right here…
Strix:
Bicker on your own time. Will you two get on with it?
Lilith:
Yes, yes. The Smiler has been a force for a long time, and throughout many cycles. You see, the four of us are kin — myself, Oberon, Strix, and Eelio, or as you know him, The Smiler. We date back to the beginning of things, when the land of Null was new.
Thea:
Eelio? I'm sorry, the asshole who wants to kill us is y'alls brother?!
Oberon:
Unfortunately. We disagree on how the world should be run. He is obsessed with order and control. He thinks he can create perfect world — a utopia, if you will — by enforcing these rules.
Strix:
It is a shame what he has become. He wasn't always like this. If you can believe it, he used to be a god of compassion. But that was before millennia of the foolishness of mortals destroyed his mind.
Oberon:
Strix, I know he was dear to you once. He was dear to many of us, but he has chosen his path. His inability to allow life to take its course without interference was his downfall. Not that of mortals. He has always been a hypocrite; wearing that mask of xxxpurity like a shield, when he is the farthest thing from it.
Strix:
So he’s flawed. We all are. He meant well, at first. Before every war, every cruel and selfish act made by mortals drove him mad. He just wanted to make a world for them with order and rules. It was for their own good.
Lilith:
Yes, and we all saw what came of that. Suffering, and wars far bloodier than anything the mortals came up with themselves. It never works. Then the situation becomes so terrible we have to reset the cycle.
Astris:
What do you mean, "reset the cycle"?
Oberon:
The only way we can stop him is by wiping the slate clean. We destroy the old world and start over. All life vanishes from existence then eventually emerges again, and the cycle continues.
Thea:
Wait. You- you destroy the world?
Lilith:
We are gods who \ paint in broad strokes. We are blunt tools of creation and destruction, life and death is but at our fingertips. It is the way we are. It takes all of us to create enough power, and our numbers are not what they once were.
Thea:
There were more of you?
Oberon:
I was not always the oldest of the gods.
Lilith:
(aside) pffft by one millennia.
Oberon:
(ignores Lilith) We had an older brother, Argose, he was ruler of the skies - strong and just in equal measure. Until Eelio killed him. He killed him when he was forbidden from interfering with mortals. The fight led to him gaining some of Argose’s power, I am afraid he has been ungovernable since.
Astris:
He killed a god? He's that strong?
Lilith:
And he greatly wounded Strix when last we reset the cycle. It is becoming more difficult to stop him.
Strix:
Yes, well he didn't manage to kill me. And we've learned much from the repetitions. We're using that knowledge to try things differently. The last few chosen didn't make it this far.
Astris:
I don't know if I feel better or worse about this.
Thea:
Agreed. I can't say I love feeling disposable.
Strix:
The chosen before you did not have the bonds the two of you possess. You have gathered allies, rallied multiple armies, and converted a surprising amount of covenant to your side. Such as my favored, Francesca.
Thea:
Did you just look me in the eye and tell me friendship is magic? That Astris and I being friends might literally save the world?
Astris:
Aw, I kinda love that Thea.
Oberon:
The two of you are doing so well. With you we will finally be able to stop him without resetting the cycle. (to Astris) Thank you for keeping that which is most precious to me safe, Ser Astris.
Thea:
(pout) Oh am I now?
Astris:
Aw, it's nothing. I only fight what Thea can't talk us out of.
Lilith:
I believe we have covered all the important points. I need to speak with my Paladin and her familiar. Alone.
Kinkfloof:
Oh dammit.
Oberon:
My wild wisteria, let us find some place private to talk.
Thea:
Someplace private, yes. But talking can come after I do.
Oberon:
You are not angry with me?
Thea:
I'm currently feeling a lot of things, but I wouldn't call any of them anger. I do love you, you big green dummy.
Lilith:
(scoff) You let your chosen speak to you like that unpunished, Oberon? You are going soft.
Thea:
Oh no, he's actually quite hard. I assure you.
Oberon:
(chuckle) (to Lilith) How and when I choose to ‘punish’ my chosen is none of your concern, sister. We will take our leave now.
[SFX - door open, Oberon's footsteps, fade out Thea]
Thea:
(giggle) Oh no, have I been bad?
Strix:
Francesca was right about that one.
[SFX - limp footsteps and staff]
Lilith:
Now, we are finally alone.
[SFX - door close]
Scene 4 - The Dickdome
[Int: Thea’s room. DM, Thea, Oberon]
DM:
Meanwhile, inside Thea’s room her and Oberon relax in each other's arms. With Thea draped atop his chest, Oberon traces his fingers along her back affectionately. The heavy curtains are drawn against the full window looking out over the city. The room is dim, but still lit by the Ribbon’s signature crimson glow.
Oberon:
How I’ve missed you, my sweet honeycomb. I wish I could spend another decade between your thighs.
Thea:
Mmmm, I wish you could too. But sadly we don't have the time.
Oberon:
When these dark times are over, I will spend 100 years worshipping at your altar.
Thea:
If I make it to the end of all this, that is.
Oberon:
My enchanting truffle, please do not say such things. Losing you would destroy me.
Thea:
There were others before me and losing them didn't destroy you. (pout)
Oberon:
You are upset. I am sorry…
Thea:
How many other "me"s have there been? I don't want to be a memory you tell the next me about!
Oberon:
No one is like you, my plum. None were brash enough to walk straight up to me and sit on my lap. I do not want you to become another memory, you are so dear to me.
Thea:
The Smiler’s last Avatar called me “another whore of the green god.” I didn't exactly understand what he meant at the time, but he killed them, didn’t he?
Oberon:
(pained)
Yes. He did. I had to watch it every time. Feel my connection to them get severed. The pain of it was indescribable. It is why I kept you in my Grove for so long. I did not want you to leave, I did not want to feel you taken from me.
Thea:
I… I’m sorry Oberon. I can’t imagine…
Oberon:
Thea, what is actually bothering you? It is not like you to be jealous. (pause) Do you no longer wish to be my chosen?
Thea:
What? No! I just.. I miss my house, I miss my tub, I miss the Chalice. I never wanted the weight of the world on my shoulders, and it just keeps getting heavier. All I wanted was to write songs and make moneyyyyy. I’m just a singer, Oberon!
Oberon:
You are so much more than that my vivacious succulent. I saw the way your music brings a crowd together, you are meant to unite people. You bring joy to those around you in times of darkness, and that is worth so much more than you give yourself credit for.
Thea:
And with any luck I'll make Covenant ears bleed with my cacophonous music. (sigh) I know there's no going back to how things were, it all just gets overwhelming sometimes.
Oberon:
You are more fearless than you know, Thea. I would not have been drawn to you if you did not possess a sort of stubborn tenacity.
Thea:
(pouty) Sweet talker…
Oberon:
(soft chuckle) My brave blossom, as you put your faith in me, I put my faith in you. Here, let me see the jade idol you carry.
[SFX - stone on wood, magical whoosh sound]
Oberon:
If the worst should come and I cannot be there, this will revive you. But only once, so please, be careful (emphasis on her name) Thea.
Thea:
Thank you, Oberon. Being with you again has made me feel better. I'm sorry, I didn't mean for us to spend our time together quarreling.
Oberon:
When we succeed, we will have eternity together. If you will still have me after all of this.
Thea:
That's an awfully long time. Are you sure you won't get tired of me? You have yet to see the true heights of my dramatics.
Oberon:
I do not think I could ever tire of you, my decadent ambrosia. (kiss)
Thea:
(kiss) Good, cause I know where you live. (pause) Oberon - are you alright? Your nose is bleeding. I know I wasn't that rough earlier…
Oberon:
Damn. I apologize. I have been away from the Grove for too long.
Thea:
(worried) What’s wrong? Is the Grove alright?
[SFX - sheets shifting]
Oberon:
My brother is relentless in his efforts to breach the northern veil to my domain.
The veil is weakened when I am away. I am sorry I must leave you so soon, my love. (head kiss)
Thea:
It's okay. Go protect our borders, I'll do my best to cause trouble at the next node and draw his attention. We're in this together Oberon, until the end.
Oberon:
Together, my dearest.
[SFX - leaves swirling, wind, magical teleport]
Scene 5 - DGMs
[Int: Claret Cathedral. Astris, Lilith, DM, Kinkfloof]
DM:
With Thea, Oberon and Strix out of the room Lilith gestures at two plush, high-backed chairs by the fire. Astris can't be sure, but she thinks she sees Lilith's demeanor soften just a little now that they are alone.
Lilith:
Sit, daughter Astris.
Astris:
Oh, uh yes ma'am!
Lilith:
Tell me, Astris - what do you know of your parents?
Astris:
Wow, okay, that was sudden. I don't know anything for sure. I don't remember my parents. Mother Nadia told me I was abandoned by a sex cult.
Lilith:
That is closer to the truth than I would have thought they'd tell you. Though, you were not abandoned, Astris. You are from a sect of Lilithites who worshiped on the surface, before the Covenant was as strong as it is now. They were ambushed by Covenant loyalists, and you were taken.
Astris:
And my parents were...
Lilith:
Killed. Yes. I'm sorry Astris.
Astris:
I never really knew them, but it's still sad.
Lilith:
The covenant wanted you to think you were abandoned, but your mothers loved you. They petitioned me to bless them with a child. With you, Astris. Their names were Kira and Tesslin; they called you their miracle baby.
Astris:
Kira and Tesslin. Wow. I was loved. And you're kinda my mom too, I guess.
Lilith:
It is true. My blood runs through your veins. It's what gives you your magic. My blood will give your life an unnatural longevity, but it will not last forever. Though, should you wish it Astris, I could give you the gift of immortal life. You could rein forever as the Champion of the Ribbon.
Astris:
I have god blood?! Oh wow okay, that’s a lot. I’ll need to think about that, but thank you for offering me that honor, Mother Lilith.
Lilith:
All in good time my daughter. All in good time. In the meantime, allow me to unlock another thing for you.
[SFX - lock clicking open, hinge squeak, bacon sizzle]
[unlock belt]
Astris:
Whoa… (gasp) my belt! It's open!
Lilith:
A single drop of your blood into the lock and it will open. Necrotic magics will no longer hurt you as badly and your armor is stronger now. You are your own woman Astris, stronger than ever before.
Astris:
Oh.. Oh wow it's open. Oh shit it's open… Thank you…
Lilith:
(chuckle) So, Kinkfloof it would seem you've not been doing your job because Astris was supposed to be in the Ribbon before she was rebellious enough to steal a paladin's armor.
Kinkfloof:
(whine rant) Yeah, but it was hard up there. It’s so bright and the sky is huge, I was afraid of falling up into it for weeks!
Lilith:
Normally you would be in much bigger trouble. But it would seem that your sloth is what enabled Thea and Astris to become so close.
Astris:
Aww, thanks Kinkfloof.
Kinkfloof:
Does this mean I get my cheesy, jalapeño chicken fingers?
Astris:
Please Lady Lilith! He's been a good boy!
Lilith:
(sigh) Fine. But as punishment, Kinkfloof must now act as your miniature beast of burden. He will wear my gift for you upon his back. A bag of holding, so you are no longer encumbered with that ridiculous backpack Astris.
Kinkfloof:
Ah man… (sigh) At least I get my chicky fingers.
Scene 6 - Always Jorkinit
[Ext: Jerkus Jerkus. AJ (Always Jorkinit) Quinn, Thea, DM]
[SFX - establishing shot, street sounds, low crowd voices]
Thea:
This is probably a bad idea. Alright, here goes nothing.
DM:
Thea stands in front of Jerkus Jerkus looking quizzically at a giant animated marquee of AJ Quinn strumming his guitar and winking at passers by. When she enters the theater she sees the man himself, in all his goat-legged glory, performing on stage with a four-person backing band. Thea makes her way to the stage.
[SFX - background rock music ending]
AJ Quinn:
Hey everybody, I wanna thank you for coming to the show. Hope your faces have been rocked! This is our last song, maybe you've heard of it - Stay Rock Hard.
[SFX - rock music starting]
Thea:
[SFX: message]
So there's no normal way to ask this but, are you my dad?
[SFX: discordant guitar]
AJ Quinn:
[SFX: message]
AH! Oh shit uh. You, in the front? Oh I see, yeah you're probably one of mine. Security will bring you backstage.
DM:
AJ makes eyes at a guy and nods his head in Thea's direction while he finishes the song. A bouncer approaches Thea and leads her backstage.
[SFX: walking, door, crowd/music fade out]
Thea:
(to herself) Hm, actually pretty nice back here. For some reason I thought it was going to be more depressing. Ooo chocolate!
[SFX: candy dish, wrapper sounds, door, footsteps]
AJ Quinn:
(sweaty, tired from show)
Hey, kid! Been a while since one of you came knocking at my door. But you're definitely one of mine. Those horns are a dead give away.
Thea:
(chocolate in mouth)
So this is a common thing for you? You don't sound terribly surprised and seem to have a system for this.
AJ Quinn:
Oh yeah you're not the first kid to come a callin'. Your old man was virile.
Thea:
Gross, thanks. So I have siblings?
AJ Quinn:
Yeah, somewhere. All over the Ribbon. At least a dozen.
Thea:
A dozen?! Excuse me? There are both herbal and magical ways to stop that from happening. You know that right?
AJ Quinn:
I do now! (laughs) It was a different time. (pause) So kid, what brings you to my humble abode? You want an autograph? You want some money? A lot of the other ones wanted money.
Thea:
No, thanks. So... I have this nasty pillow?
AJ Quinn:
Oh that old thing. Well, I'll be damned. Haven't seen that thing since the tour with the Symphony Orgasmica! Fuuuuuck that was one rocking tour. Where did you find this thing? It's a collectors item for sure.
Thea:
I bought this off a merchant called Jangling Step in Haven about, a mon- I mean about a decade ago. Saw the name Quinn on it and I’ve been called that for as long as I can remember. It was my name in the gods-forsaken Covenant orphanage I was raised in.
AJ Quinn:
Covenant, shit that's rough, kid. Sorry you had to grow up in one of those places. Can't believe no one up there knows who I am anymore. Bummer.
Thea:
Yeah, real shame. Maybe you've heard of me. The Mistress Cacophany?
AJ Quinn:
Oh shiiiit, nice. I've heard of her. She's pissin' all sorts of people off topside. Now that is some punk shit. High five kid!
[SFX - high five slap]
Thea:
Yes. Yes she is. I am? Whatever. Not important. I have questions for you.
AJ Quinn:
Yeah, I should have expected that. Whaddya wanna know? It was a long time and a lot of drugs ago but I'll do my best to remember.
Thea:
I think first on the list is, who's my mother?
AJ Quinn:
Where'd you say you were born kid? You look pretty young, so, like how old are you?
Thea:
First of all you should know it's rude to ask a lady her age. My life is temporally complicated, but for you it would have been thirty-four years ago, give or take. Near Dawnslight.
AJ Quinn:
Ahh Dawnslight, yeah. That was a wild show. The Covenant was starting to harsh our mellow, so that was our farewell tour to the above-ground. Or you could say fare-hell tour. Heheheh.
Thea:
(groan)
AJ Quinn:
Yeah so we hit Dawnslight near the end of the tour. If I'm remembering correctly your mom was a big fan. You could say we were mutual fans of each other, heh heh. She was human, and drop-dead gorgeous. Well your legs aren't as hairy as mine, so I see you take after her in that department.
[SFX - clop]
Thea:
Well gorgeous or not, that bitch dumped me, a tiefling baby, at a Covenant orphanage.
AJ Quinn:
I'm sorry she did that kid, I really am. I had no idea you existed.
Thea:
Yeah. Look I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't have come. I don't know what I expected…
[SFX - uncomfortable silence]
AJ Quinn:
Well, I see the apple didn't fall far from the tree. That's a nice set of strings you've got there. Got a name for that thing?
Thea:
Well, I — no. I don't.
AJ Quinn:
Oh, you abso-LUTE-ly gotta name your instrument man. Heheh. That's how you form a bond with your baby.
Thea:
Hmm mkay. I can see what's important here. Not that I disagree, mind you. This harp-lute has saved me time and time again, it’s been the life of the party, and it scares the shit out of the Covenant. You’re right, it does deserve a name.
DM:
At Thea’s acknowledgement she feels her instrument vibrating in her hands, like it’s waiting for a name.
AJ Quinn:
Take this beautiful specimen. I call it The Pussy Smash-her. Heh. Been using this guitar for decades.
[SFX: guitar licks]
Thea:
Yes. That's very impressive. Hmmmm (strums harplute) Trent. I think his name is Trent.
[SFX: harp lute sounds]
DM:
Thea feels the vibration culminate in a chord that resolves throughout her body. Their bond has grown stronger, she feels like Trent would call lightning from the sky for her.
[SFX - chord]
AJ Quinn:
It’s a guy huh? That kinda goes against tradition, but fuck yeah! I mean rules were made to be broken — what’s tradition but peer pressure from dead people am I right?! Ahaha!
Thea:
(this gets a laugh out of her) So like what are you doing? Do you… live here? You said you don't tour anymore but you perform here?
AJ Quinn:
Yeah I got a pretty sweet gig at Jerkus Jerkus here. I do some DJing on the side, just for something different. But I perform here y'know like five nights a week. And twice on sundays hayo.
Thea:
Wow. Damn, I see you're keeping busy.
AJ Quinn:
Yeah. I'm working on a song right now. I just need a good hook.
Thea:
(beat) Well, what do you got?
AJ Quinn:
Oh yeah sure you wanna jam? Let's jam, kid! I'll give you a writer's credit. What did you say your name was again?
Thea:
Thea.
AJ Quinn:
Alriiiight, Theeeeez! Theezasaurus. Theezamongus!!
Thea:
Oh my gods do not call me that.
AJ Quinn:
(laughing) Sweet, let's jam it out. Lemme light this real quick.
(taking a drag)
(holding it in)
You know what they say, you gotta cough to get off. That is quality jazz cabbage. You want some?
Thea:
Yeah sure. After this conversation? Yes.
AJ Quinn:
Right onnnnnn.
[SFX: fade out guitar jamming]
Scene 7 - Cuddle TIme
[Int: Claret Cathedral. Astris, Thea, DM]
DM:
Back in their room, Astris stands in front of a mirror looking at herself sans chastity belt. She twists and turns to see all the angles of everything that was hidden from her.
Astris:
Wow, I had no idea it looked like this…
[SFX - door, fast footsteps]
[ENTER: Thea]
Thea:
Astris! You're not gonna beli–
Astris:
Ah! (startled)
Thea:
Oooh shit! Sorry I should have knocked. Oh, hey your forever underwear is off!
[SFX - door shut, footsteps, bed plop]
Astris:
Yeah, I can unlock it with my blood apparently.
Thea:
Of all the shit we've smeared your blood on, I can't believe we never tried that. How do you feel? You have a good talk with Lilith?
Astris:
I feel naked. Which I guess makes sense, cause I actually am for the first time… in a really long time. And the talk went well, Lilith is good. She told me about my moms.
Thea:
Oh shit, she knows about your parents?
Astris:
Yeah, but they're dead though. She says they really wanted to have me which I guess is nice. Makes it sadder, I think.
Thea:
Oh. Well fuck. I'm sorry Astris.
Astris:
It's alright, Lilith is my mother apparently? Since it was her magic that helped them make me. So that's cool… she also offered to turn me into a vampire?
Thea:
You're the daughter of a god? Wait shit she WHAT?! Fuck, that's kinda awesome. Are you gonna do it?
Astris:
I told her I’d think about it. It’s a big decision…
Thea:
Yeah that makes sense. No pressure Astris. (pause) So speaking of parents, I just met my dad.
Astris:
You went to see the guy on the billboard? What was he like?
Thea:
A little burnt out? Not bad, but not great? Kinda a mixed bag. I will say he’s an amazing musician though. We smoked a little and worked on a song together. So at least we have that? Ooo and I brought you some chocolate!
Astris:
Aw, thanks Thea. Well at least he wasn't an asshole.
Thea:
That's true. But fucking hells today has had too many big revalations. Astris, I need a cuddle.
Astris:
Aw, coming right up Thea.
[SFX - footsteps, bed plop, sheet shifting]
Thea:
There's so much riding on our shoulders Astris. And today has been a solid reminder of that.
Astris:
I know. But it's kinda flattering in a way right? Out of everyone alive, they picked you and me.
Thea:
(soft chuckle) How are you so positive all the time? Aren't you tired?
Astris:
Yeah. I get tired, but there's people depending on us so that lets me push that to the side. In a lot of ways, being with you makes me braver, Thea.
Thea:
You think we have a real shot at doing this? Doing what all the other chosen couldn’t? Beat the Smiler?
Astris:
I do. I believe in us Thea. Fuck everything else, I believe in us.
Thea:
(deep breath)
I believe in us too, Astris. I couldn't do this without you.
Astris:
I couldn't do this without you either. You sound tired now, you still wanna go to that orgy tonight?
Thea:
I wouldn't miss a vampire orgy for the world Astris. And you should probably at least make an appearance seeing as you're apparently the princess of the Ribbon.
Astris:
Oh gods Thea don't call me that. I don't want that kind of attention.
Thea:
I literally don't understand that, but to each their own I suppose.
Astris:
(chuckles) Come on, let's go see what a vampire orgy looks like.
[SFX - footsteps, door open and close]
Scene 8 - Orgy
[Int: bedroom. DM, Astris, Thea, AJ Quinn, Carmilla]
[Outside Orgy Door]
[SFX - suck you tomorrow]
Thea:
Ahhhh! Astris I'm so excited! I wonder if I can sleep with Lilith…
Astris:
Ew Thea! That's my mom!
Thea:
(laughs)
[SFX - doors open, music gets louder, orgy sounds]
DM:
As Thea pushes open the doors she sees a large room full of people in various states of undress and copulation. She sees Lilith on her throne in the back of the room. The lights are low with colorful flashes in time with the pulsing rhythm of the music. DJ Pulse Nasty is on stage cultivating the atmosphere of the room. He lifts up his mask and waves to Thea.
Thea:
Oh sweet gods no…
AJ Quinn:
Theeeeeze! Hey kid, join the party!
Astris:
THEEEEZE (laughing)
Thea:
Do not call me that!
Astris:
Thea is that your dad? Is that your voice in the song?
Thea:
Yes and yes. Now we're leaving. Later pops!
[SFX - doors close, music quiets, angry foot steps]
[ENTER: Carmilla]
Carmilla:
Hey you two, done with the orgy already?
Thea:
Yep.
Astris:
Thea's mad 'cause her dad's DJ Pulse Nasty.
Thea:
(whining) I just wanted to join the vampire orgy! I've been looking forward to this all day!
Carmilla:
That’s actually hilariously tragic. (flirty) So where are you two slipping off to now?
Thea:
I'm going to pout in my room personally.
Astris:
I wasn't going to join the orgy anyway, so I'll probably just go to sleep.
Carmilla:
Why don't I join you two then?
Thea:
Can't resist me any longer Carmilla? I get it.
Carmilla:
Maybe I just feel bad you didn't get to join the vampire orgy.
Thea:
I'll still take it!
Scene 9 - Threesome
[Int: bedroom. Astris, Thea, Carmilla]
Astris:
So, Carmilla, are you sure this is alright with Lilith? Aren't you her favorite concubine?
Carmilla:
It's not like she owns me, Astris. I'm allowed to do as I please. Lady Lilith trusts me.
Thea:
Nice, I have the same deal with Oberon.
Astris:
I know my forever underwear comes off now, but I'm not sure I'm ready for my first time to be a threesome.
Carmilla:
That's alright Astris. You can watch us if you like. That might actually be kinda hot.
Thea:
And I'm not opposed to an audience. Ooo if you're game, Carmilla and I could show you how to use that piece Feldspar made.
Astris:
Yeah, that sounds alright. It will be educational. That way I can impress Francesca the next time I see her.
Thea:
Yes, yes of course. Francesca.
Carmilla:
Let's get this party started shall we?
Thea:
Would you mind taking the lead Carmilla? My brain is a little fried after today.
Carmilla:
That depends. Are you going to be a good girl for me, Thea?
Thea:
Oh yes ma'am.
Scene 10 - Next Mission
[Int: Claret Cathedral. Thea, Astris, DM, Kinkfloof, Lilith, Carmilla]
DM:
The next day Thea, Astris, and Kinkfloof meet Lilith and Carmilla inside the council room to discuss the next steps in their mission.
Lilith:
Welcome my Paladin, Thea, I hear you had a good time together last night.
Astris:
Oh um yes! Well Thea and Carmilla had most of the fun. I just watched. Not that that wasn't fun!
Carmilla:
(chuckles) Ah, Astris, just when you had finally stopped blushing. And Thea, glad to see I didn't tire you out too much last night.
Thea:
Oh that was nothing. Oberon and I went at it for a whole decade once.
Lilith:
(throat clear) On to the matter at hand. Today I will be sending you to the next node crystal you must cleanse. Or I suppose in this case, free.
Astris:
We're ready Lilith.
Lilith:
Excellent, my daughter. You and Thea are to infiltrate the Covenant's underwater compound in the Churning Sea.
Carmilla:
This will require more stealth and subterfuge than rescuing me in Sedimenterra. Think and plan carefully.
Thea:
Oh I can be sneaky and subtle when I want. I just normally like the attention.
Lilith:
The apex node of the Sea is on the back of a great Dragon Turtle, Galagos. She is master of the ocean currents, and she has been captured and held prisoner by the Covenant.
Astris:
That's terrible.
Lilith:
The two of you must free her then destroy the compound. Work quickly before they've moved the bulk of their forces to land. However many you can eliminate before they reach the surface is less your army in Utopia will have to contend with.
Carmilla:
You also might want to look for anything that has information on the Covenant invasion plans for Utopia. When you’re ready, our people have created devices that will blow up the compound. Be far away when you activate it.
Thea:
Sounds straight forward enough. Sneak in, free Galagos, explode the compound.
Astris:
Wait, wait. Hold on. Underwater? How are Thea and I supposed to breathe under water?
Lilith:
Do not worry, my daughter. I have managed to procure you both extraordinary magical items. These are fins of transformation. When you put them on you will be as one of the merfolk: able to swim and breathe underwater.
Thea:
(gasp) I get to be a fucking mermaid?! I've only ever heard legends about them! Best mission ever!
Astris:
Awww! There's even one for Kinkfloof!
Kinkfloof:
There's what? But I hate getting wet…
Thea:
Them's the breaks, my little catfish.
[SFX - portal summon magic sounds]
Carmilla:
While Lady Lilith conjures the portal to the Churning Sea, you should probably slip those fins on. It's going to spit you in the middle of the ocean.
Astris:
We'll help you into it Kinkfloof, don't worry.
Kinkfloof:
That's not really my issue with it Astris - Ah!
[SFX - pulling, squeaking, rubber snap, cat hissing, angry meowing]
Astris:
There? Was that so hard?
Kinkfloof:
For the record, I hate this.
Thea:
Oof, that's a tight squeeze. I bet my ass looks amazing right now. I wish Rhox could see this…
[SFX: portal magic]
Lilith:
The portal is almost complete. Prepare yourselves.
Carmilla:
Everything you need has already been added to the pack on Kinkfloof’s back. Please stay safe you two. For the sake of the world, and I would miss you.
Thea:
Well, the Gods said me and Astris' friendship is gonna save the world or something. So as long as we're together, I don't think the Smiler can stop us.
[SFX: more portal magic]
Lilith:
It is open. Now, quickly. Through the portal! Time is short. I know you will not fail me.
Thea:
I've never seen the ocean before, and it can't be any worse than being underground for weeks! Thank you Lady Lilith, for everything. We'll see the both of you when all of this is over.
[SFX - tail floor slap sounds, portal whoosh]
Astris:
Thank you um, Mother Lilith. I'm sad we can't stay longer, but time isn't something we have a lot of right now. Thank you – for everything. Come on Kinkfloof.
Kinkfloof:
(whines) The cheesy jalapeño chicken fingers are not worth this!
[SFX - fish tail floor slap, portal whoosh, ominous water sounds]
[End Episode 4]