Thea and Astris must free the ocean from the Smiler's hold.
Season 2
Episode 5 - Where it’s Wetter
Scene 1 - Pre
[Int: Control Room. Ser Maryam, Admiral]
[SFX - dry tinny base echo on voices]
Admiral:
Ser Maryam, the evacuation is almost complete. The last submersible should be arriving shortly to take the remaining troops to the surface.
Ser Maryam:
Excellent. They can join the caravan to the midlands. Those monsters in Utopia have no idea what's waiting for them.
Admiral:
Soon we will have our capital back, and everyone will be able to live under His benevolent Smile.
Ser Maryam:
It will be a glorious day. In the meantime, you and the remaining skeleton crew are to lock down the base and guard it until further notice. Do not disappoint me, Admiral.
Admiral:
Yes ma'am, with our lives.
Scene 2 - Enter Base
[Ext: Churning Sea. DM, Thea, Astris, Kinkfloof]
[SFX - underwater voice muffle, underwater bloopy sounds]
DM:
Welcome back listeners. While the Covenant plans its assault on Utopia, Thea, Astris and Kinkfloof continue their search for the Covenant Base in the Churning Sea. It's hard searching; the water is dark and often murky, making it hard to see. Anxieties are on the rise as our adventurers swim through the endless ocean.
Thea:
Gods, how is this worse than being underground?! I thought the ocean would be interesting! Bright and colorful and full of life! But its been fuck all for days! And we've barely seen anything! It's like the fucking abyss down here! It’s dark, I'm cold, and my fingers are gonna be pruny forever!
Astris:
Well. at least your feet don't hurt.
Kinkfloof:
(whine) My fur will never be dry again. Do you know how hard it is to fly with wet wings?!
Thea:
(crashing out) I mean honestly, at this point the base is gonna be empty by the time we find it and we will have been of no help to Utopia! I’m gonna lose my mind if I don’t see the sun soon…
Astris:
I know Thea, but we can’t just gi– wait… Do you see that? Up in the sky, um water sky?
Thea:
What, (ew) the eerie lights descending from the surface? (shiver) Gods that's creepy looking, I hate it but it's also the best lead we've had in days. We should probably follow it.
Kinkfloof:
Well we can't get too close or it will see us and there's nothing to hide behind out here. I mean I can avoid being seen but Astris is hopeless.
Thea:
Oh don't worry about it. Ever since the near disaster that was sneaking through the tall grass outside Utopia, I've been practicing. So now I can turn Astris and myself invisible at the same time. Pretty nifty huh?
[SFX invisibility magic]
Astris:
Whoa, that's amazing Thea. I've never felt so sneaky! Come on quick or we're gonna lose the lights!
DM:
Thea, Astris and Kinkfloof follow the sullen lights of the submersible. They follow it down to the ocean floor where a large underwater base comes into view through murky waters. The vehicle docks in a moon pool, allowing it to enter up into the pressurised Covenant Base. Astris swims over to investigate before returning to Thea and Kinkfloof.
[SFX - metal creaking, underwater metal thuds, water lapping]
Astris:
So it's sitting in the docking pool. Looks like it needs to refuel before it leaves again. This is probably our best chance.
Thea:
We'll have to take our fins off before we sneak in, cause I sure as fuck can't walk in this thing. And honestly we might as well just stay naked if we're going to be invisible anyway. I know I'm not risking exposing any of my new silk to saltwater, thank you.
Astris:
Damaged silk aside, it will also be quieter for us to stay invisible and naked. Well, you'll be naked. I still need to wear the chastity belt in case of a fight. Oh and these cute little starfish on my chest! I like them so they stay.
Thea:
I'm so jealous, I wish I'd worn a pair of starfish! I know you can't see it now, cause invisible, but my nips are hard enough to cut glass I swear.
Kinkfloof:
Gross. So wait, by your logic I'm always naked? Is that how you see me?
Thea:
I mean yeah, I’ve always considered you to be naked.
Kinkfloof:
And I consider my fur to be clothing. (sigh) I can't wait to be dry again, even if it's only for a little while. Will you guys help me out of this cursed thing?
Thea:
Of course, my little catfish. I'll use my all powerful thumbs to peel you out of those fins.
[SFX rubber, le tex hehe]
Astris:
Alright, on the count of three we'll take a deep breath, slip the fins off, and enter the docking pool. 1, 2, 3!
Thea:
Astris:
Kinkfloof:
(deep breath)
Scene 3 - Find Noah
[Int: Covenant Base. DM, Thea, Astris, Kinkfloof, Noah B Shark, Guard 1, Guard 2]
[SFX - water pool lapping, chatter, footsteps leading away, metal underwater sound]
Thea:
Astris:
Kinkfloof:
(quietly catching their breath as DM speaks)
DM:
Thea, Astris and Kinkfloof surface in the moon pool where the submersible is docked. The base is made of some kind of dark metal that creaks with the movement of the water outside. While the inside is technically dry it still feels as damp and inhospitable as the ocean. The interior is lit with sickly green lanterns that barely illuminate the space. Once the coast is clear our heroes slip out of the water, naked and invisible.
Thea:
[SFX - message echo, magic cleaning]
Alright, there. A little prestidigitation and now we won't leave wet footprints in this blessedly dry, yet horribly lit metal coffin.
Astris:
[SFX - message echo, ripped wires]
Good plan. I'm gonna make sure this submersible doesn't see the light of day again. (wire ripping effort) I don't know what those do, but they seem important.
Thea:
[SFX - message echo]
Oooo nice call Astris! Listen I know this is generally a bad idea but we don't have a lot of time right now. Let's split up, see what we can find. I’ll contact you when I find something.
Astris:
[SFX - message echo]
Okay, I'll contact you if we find trouble. Stay safe Thea.
[Exit Thea]
[SFX - internal underwater creaking]
DM:
With Kinkfloof scouting ahead, Astris begins exploring. Most of the hallways are empty now that the base is being manned by a skeleton crew. She turns a corner to find a hallway that ends in a heavy door with two guards stationed in front of it.
Kinkfloof:
[SFX - message echo]
If there's two guards for this room it must be worth breaking into.
Guard 1:
(gossiping) You know, I heard that the Pale Knight had some of her ribs magically removed so she could eat her own snatch.
Guard 2:
(gossiping) Well, I heard that the Mistress Cacophony is a total fake. She can’t actually sing, and she’s just mouthing along to the words.
Astris:
[SFX - message echo, knuckle crack behind ‘old fashioned way’]
Well, it’s a good thing Thea's not here. After what they said she would not be feeling very diplomatic. I guess I'll just have to do this the old fashioned way and to be honest, I wanna beat them up now too.
DM:
Astris sneaks up between them and knocks their heads together before catching them each in the jaw with her mace. Astris opens the door that was being guarded and shoves the bodies inside.
[SFX - armor clank, fall and catch, heavy metal door open, dragging heels]
Kinkfloof:
Well, I guess we're done sneaking around. You're visible again Astris.
Astris:
Aw damn.
DM:
Inside is a row of tank cells meant for holding aquatic prisoners. One of the tanks is occupied by a large merman with dark hair and dark features. The deep blue skin of his chest is marked by two scars below his pectorals. Water splashes from the tank as his long shark tail thrashes behind him in agitation.
Noah B Shark:
(snarl) Who are you? Release me!
Kinkfloof:
We're not with the Covenant!
Astris:
Ah! We didn't know anyone was in here! Hold on, just let me tie this guy up. Who are you? How did you get here?
[SFX - chains, shoving, body thud]
Noah B Shark:
If you fight the Covenant, then we have a common enemy. I was captured trying to find where these land pigs are holding our Prince, Wade. I serve the royal family of Cordelia. My name is Noah, Noah B Shark. I'm part of the Prince's guard.
Astris:
I'm Astris and I have a similar job. I protect Thea, she's not a princess or anything…
Kinkfloof:
(under his breath) Could have fooled me…
Astris:
It's also my job to save the world, but mostly the first one. (beat) I'm sorry they've captured your Prince, do you know where they might be holding him?
Noah B Shark:
I don't know exactly where he might be. I overheard the guards say “apparently the crystal is getting a royal snack.” I don't know what this means but it sounds like my Prince is in grave danger.
[SFX - (behind Noah dialog. Astris tries to free him) metal clang, thick glass think, footsteps]
[SFX Astris: puzzled, grunt, huff, hmmm]
[EQ: stereo panning]
Astris:
If that means what I think it means your Prince has been sealed inside the apex node on the back of Galagos. Pretty standard Covenant practice really. Don't worry, we came here to free the great dragon turtle, so we'll get your Prince out of there too.
Astris:
Damn this thing is locked down tight. It's giving off some kind of magical aura. If I have to, I'll just break this thing open, but that will probably be really loud so I'd rather not. (to Kinkfloof) Kinkfloof, will you look around for a switch or lever?
Kinkfloof:
Yeah yeah sure, on it.
Noah B Shark:
Thank you, both of you. I've been trapped in this tank for days. Something about the tank or the water is negating my powers, I can't seem to shift into my wild forms.
Astris:
Well we can't have that. We'll get you out of here.
Scene 4 - Thea Thea
[Int: Covenant Base. Meanwhile. DM, Thea, Door Guard]
[SFX - internal underwater creaking, inside tinny]
DM:
Meanwhile, a naked and invisible Thea silently creeps her way through the halls. She peeks into unguarded rooms and rifles around any desks she comes across.
[SFX - desk drawers, paper shuffling]
Thea:
Fuck, this is the third room with nothing useful in it. I can feel the invisibility close to dropping, I hope Astris will be okay. (sigh) Alright, one more room.
DM:
Thea slips back into the blessedly empty hall in search of an officers room. After turning the corner to another hall she sees a door with a guard in front of it.
Thea:
Hmmmm that seems promising.
DM:
Thea pulls back out of sight, retreating into one of the empty rooms. She then drops what remains of her invisibility to magically disguise herself as a Covenant guard.
[SFX: magic woowoo]
Thea:
Bleh, this shit is ugly. At least no one will recognize me. Alright, time to get past that guard.
[SFX - door open/close, footsteps]
Door Guard:
Who goes there?
Thea:
Hey sorry, didn't mean to sneak up on you. The Admiral wants to see you in the command room.
Door Guard:
(grumbling) Great. You know this is just what I fuckin need today. First I don't get to go topside, now the Admiral wants a word? (sigh) I should have been a baker like my ma said.
Thea:
Hey, I'm just the messenger.
Door Guard:
(annoyed) Yeah, alright. Guard the door until I get back.
Thea:
You got it.
DM:
Thea waits for the guard to be out of ear shot before she opens the door and slips inside, closing the door behind her. She begins rifling through papers on desks, opening drawers, looking at anything and everything that could have useful information on it.
[SFX - more frantic paper shuffling, drawers opening/closing]
Thea:
(muttering)
Come on come on where the fuck is it? Ladies, fan out and search. Leave no corner unturned. This is the only guarded room I've come across, so something has to be in here.
[SFX - fairy tinkle, whooshing, things being knocked over, tiny chaos]
Thea:
Hmm, an ammunitions refinery on the Flaming Coast? Not exactly what I'm looking for, but I'll file that away anyway.
[SFX - file that away]
Thea:
(chuckle)
That's right Ladies, tear this place up.
[SFX - papers falling over, paper flapping, tinkle laughter?]
Thea:
What’s so funny? What did y'all find? (beat) (laughter) Oh my gods, well done ladies! You found the porn stash! And wow what a stash! I’m just saying, it takes a lot to impress me, and I’m impressed. Also, I knew they were all fucking hypocrits! Either way, I’m taking these. They deserve a better home. (beat) But shit, focus. Not what we’re here for. Plans, maps.. Come on anything fucking useful…
[SFX - drawer open, scroll unrolled, paper flattening, finger on paper tracing]
Thea:
(gasp) Ho ho, this might just be something… Oh fuck. They're planning on attacking Utopia in less than a fortnight. Shit and that's a really big army. Looks like they're amassing their forces at the Dueling Delta, where the Aurora and Valgon rivers meet the sea. (sigh) Fuck. Alright I need to find Astris.
Thea:
[SFX - message echo]
Hey I found the plans we were looking for. I'll come to you, where are you?
Scene 5 - Jail Break
[Int: Compound Cells. DM, Astris, Thea, Kinkfloof, Noah B Shark]
[SFX - underwater creaking, tinny sound quality]
DM:
The door to the holding cell opens and Thea walks in, still disguised as a Covenant guard. Kinkfloof hisses and hides, while Astris brings her mace about. Thea quickly drops her disguise.
[SFX - magic dismiss]
Thea:
(naked)
Ah! Shit! My bad, I forgot I looked like a guard. (drops invis. beat. Notices Noah) Oh hi there, sorry for my lack of dress. I'm Thea.
Noah B Shark:
My people don't really wear clothes so you don't actually look out of place. I still find legs a bit unsettling, but that’s neither here nor there. Astris has told me about you. That she protects you even though you are not a princess.
Astris:
(awkward chuckle) Ah, well you see he's searching for his Prince. It sounds like he's been placed inside the node like Rhox and Carmilla.
Thea:
Well, I guess that makes finding Wade easier. I've only heard legends about dragon turtles, but they can be the size of a small island. There's only so many places they can hide someone that big.
Noah B Shark:
Before our team was captured we surveyed the area near the compound. There's at least one cavern large enough to hold a dragon turtle. Get me out of this damn cell and I can show you.
Kinkfloof:
Uh, I found a promising lever. Someone with fingers and upper body strength wanna deal with this?
Thea:
Oooo that sounds like an Astris job!
[SFX - bare foot steps, lever clunk, chain rattle]
DM:
Astris examines the lever by Kinkfloof and pulls it. The water in the cell begins to drain. As it empties, Noah no longer feels his natural magicks restrained. Once the tank is drained, the chain pulleys begin to lift the heavy lid.
Astris:
Alright well, that was the easy part. How are we gonna get Noah outside without bringing the remaining Covenant down on our heads? He’s a giant shark man...
Noah B Shark:
Fear not. I have my magical wits about me again. (pondering) Something small and land mobile. (realization) Ah, a crab will do.
[SFX - magic crab transformation sound][lighting a cigarette]
Thea:
Oh shit, yeah that works great. Here, I'll put you on my shoulder; you can hide in my hair. (pause for crab skitter) There we go.
[SFX - crab skitter]
Astris:
The diving room is still our best way out, and it's not that far from here.
Thea:
Fantastic, I'll make us invisible again and we'll make our way there quietly. Somehow, no one knows we're here yet. Kinkfloof, you should start sneaking around and place the explosives Carmilla gave us.
Astris:
I'll just grab our fins of transformation from the pack, before you go.
[SFX - pack rummage, fin rubber wiggle]
Kinkfloof:
I'll plant them against the walls of the compound, then meet you back outside… In the water. Ew.
Thea:
Thanks little guy. If something should happen to me or Astris, blow this place and get the fuck out of here.
Kinkfloof:
Don't gotta tell me twice. But also please don't die. I don't want to be stuck in the middle of the ocean by myself, thanks.
[EXIT Kinkfloof]
Astris:
If this is like the other nodes, there's gonna be an Avatar of the Smiler guarding it. You ready for another fight?
Thea:
(sigh) Ready as I'll ever be.
Scene 6 - Find Wade
[Ext: Churning Sea. DM, Thea, Astris, Noah B Shark, Smiler]
[SFX - underwater]
DM:
When they snake their way back into the diving room, crab Noah leaps from Thea's invisible shoulder and into the docking pool. Thea and Astris shimmy into their fins of transformation before following suit, leaping back into the dark murky waters of the Churning Sea. Once back in the water, Thea lets the invisibility drop.
[SFX - splash, rubber snap, squeaking, underwater sound, invis dismiss]
Noah B Shark:
I can finally swim again! It feels like it's been ages since I could properly stretch out! Come on, this way!
Thea:
So Noah, you said your team was captured surveying the area. You were looking for Galagos?
Noah B Shark:
Yes. My Kingdom of Cordelia sent exploratory parties out to find the whereabouts of the Great Galagos. She and the ocean currents are one. Without her the waters are stagnant, and Cordelia faces ever-warming temperatures. The currents that bring cooling water from the north haven't arrived in years.
Astris:
How did they ambush you?
Noah B Shark:
They got us at our camp. (regret, anger) I was on watch while the Prince and others took rest. It's my fault. I wasn't fast enough. (remembering) There was this terrible rhythmic thrum. I remember doubling over, clutching my ears. When I woke I was in that tank. Prince Wade was nowhere in sight. I failed him.
[SFX - non-diagetic terrible rhythmic thrum]
Thea:
You've only failed him if you give up. And you haven't given up.
Astris:
You care about the prince a lot don't you?
Noah B Shark:
He is the love of my life, and I will free him from the Covenant if it is the last thing I do.
Thea:
That's the fucking spirit! The Pale Knight and the Mistress Cacophony are at your side. So you literally can't lose.
Noah B Shark:
You two are the Pale Knight and the Mistress Cacophony? Astris failed to mention that you were the chosen of Lady Lilith and Lord Oberon. News of your exploits has reached even us.
Astris:
Oh yeah sorry about that. I honestly can't believe news of us has reached the ocean depths!
Thea:
We're famous now Astris! You'll get used to it.
Noah B Shark:
Wait, hold. The cavern should be right here. (puzzled) I know it should be. It's massive, we can't have missed it…
Thea:
Hmmm, right here you said…
[SFX - Thea fists barrier]
Thea:
Ha! Like I thought. Illusion magic. Hand goes right through it. It will be a cold day in the Ribbon before the Covenant can out-illusion me.
DM:
Thea grins triumphantly as Astris and Noah join her in passing through the illusory wall. Inside the cavern is dark, with an oppressive heaviness about it.
Noah B Shark:
Prince Wade is in here, I can feel him.
Thea:
[SFX - message sound]
I can feel the leylines pulling in this direction. I think this is the right place, Astris. Which means the Smiler probably isn’t far.
Astris:
[SFX - message sound]
You’re right. I can feel something else in here with us. I can't see it, but it's here. Be careful Thea.
[SFX - fast dart through water, spooky]
Smiler:
Well well well, look who's stumbled their way into my little garden.
Thea:
Ah! Shit!
Astris:
(startled) Fuck! Right on cue. Okay we need a plan.
Noah B Shark:
Show yourself, coward! You will not hinder our path forward!
DM:
Noah casts light, and illuminates the cavern. There before them they see a massive octopus with glowing yellow eyes and roiling black and white striped tentacles. Behind it they see Galagos unconscious and bound to the sea bed with massive chains.
Noah B Shark:
(tunnel vision, locked in) Galagos! Prince Wade, I'm coming!
Astris:
Noah! Wait!
[SFX - Noah B Shark: impact effort after getting tentacle punched into the wall]
[SFX - octopus punch, head on rock]
Thea:
Noah! Damn it Eelio! You bastard!
Smiler:
So, you know my name now, do you? They finally told you that they've mixed the two of you up in our little family squabble?
Thea:
They told us enough. But I know I don't plan on dying like those before me. I won't let you hurt Oberon again!
Smiler:
Oh little bard, I didn't kill all of my brothers chosen. Some of them came to me because they wanted greater things. I could show you Thea, I could give you more fame and riches than my brother ever could – if you just let me rule you.
[SFX hypno music, hypno toad]
Astris:
Thea don't look! Don't listen!
Thea:
Gah! Astris…
DM:
The Smiler octopus spreads its tentacles as colorful lights begin to flash in time to the pulsing hypnotic sound. Thea and Astris try to cover their ears but the sound is so loud it's inside them. Their heads bob and sway with the effort to stay conscious before they slump over in the water.
Smiler:
(satisfied laughter)
[SFX - hypno music transition out]
Scene 7 - Nightmare
[Int: Covenant Church. DM, Thea, Smiler, Astris, Francesca]
[SFX: hypno transition in]
[SFX Thea: singing?]
DM:
Thea sits in a swing playing a beautiful silver moon-shaped harp. Bright beams of light pour into the Covenant church as she plays to a crowd of hundreds. Her voice carries out over the adoring masses, as her consciousness stays locked away in the back of her head: a passive voyeur for the sights ahead.
Thea:
Now everyone, high paladin Ser Maryam and her first in command Ser Astris have brought us some special guests today! Let us welcome them into our harmonious community on this beautiful morning!
Astris:
File in and kneel before the Seraphim of the Smiler. Hear her words and be contented by her song.
DM:
A line of converts are forcefully ushered into the room and forced down on their knees. Rhox and Khor are among the converts, but it's as if Thea doesn't even know them. Astris stands guard, assuring no one tries to make an escape.
Thea:
Rejoice under his luminescent smile! Here, there is no pain! Here, there is no sorrow! I was like you once, a miserable wretch, desperately scraping by. Lost. Alone. Then my smiling savior plucked me from the mud and bid me be his Voice.
[SFX - cheers, music swell]
Francesca:
Thank you Seraphim for your wise words and beautiful song. That concludes our service for the day. Go now. Stay pure. And keep smiling.
DM:
Thea's swing lowers and she gracefully hops to the ground. Her and Mother Francesca walk down the center aisle, one behind the other. They wait at the doors to the church to see off the parishioners, waving and shaking hands.
[SFX - crowd shuffling, movement, footsteps]
Ser Maryam:
On your feet. It's time for your required theology lessons.
[SFX - chains, shuffling]
Ser Maryam:
Well done today, my Paladin. See to it that none of them miss their lessons.
Astris:
Yes, Ser Maryam.
[EXIT Ser Maryam]
[SFX footsteps]
Astris:
Oh, um another wonderful sermon today, Mother Francesca. And beautiful music as always, Seraphim of the Smiler.
Francesca:
All glory to the Smiler, I am but a vessel for his word. Thank you for all the work you do with the converts Ser Astris.
Astris:
It is my honor and duty, Mother Francesca.
Thea:
Shine under his benevolent smile! Mother Francesca, Ser Astris, if you'll excuse me I must return to the tower now.
[SFX - carriage door open/shut, jogging footsteps behind DM]
DM:
Thea takes her leave, stepping into a litter carried by eight Acolytes of the Smiler. Her personal guard transports her through the crowded streets as people scurry out of the way. Many citizens bow their heads as the litter passes by. It stops outside the tallest tower in Utopia: gleaming white marble, topped in a silver spire with his ever-present smile looking down over the city.
[SFX - jogging footsteps stop, carriage door open/shut, Thea footsteps, large door open/close]
Thea:
[SFX - room echo]
Darling! I'm home!
Smiler:
My golden songbird, how was service today?
[SFX - Thea: giggle behind DM]
DM:
A dark smokey shadow appears behind Thea. She can feel arms enveloping her from behind, caressing her body - holding her as she and the shadow rise to the top of the tower.
Thea:
Ser Astris brought some converts in for saving. Your paladin, Ser Maryam, has been training her well.
Smiler:
Well done my little songbird. You have saved so many by bringing them into our fold. Your voice has brought countless people to our cause.
DM:
They rise through the tower landing at Thea's quarters. It's decked out in lavish gold and decadent rich brocade. Jewels gleam and sparkle on the impressive amount of jewelry in Thea's room.
Smiler:
I have another gift for you, my pet.
Thea:
A gift for me? Oh darling, you shouldn't have!
DM:
The Smiler produces a bright diamond crescent on a silver chain. He loops it around her neck, clasping it closed.
[SFX Thea: gasp]
Smiler:
It looks beautiful on you, my sweet songbird.
DM:
Thea turns to look in a mirror and what she sees is enough to snap her from this nightmare. A pale, thin human face with bright blue eyes and cascading blonde hair stares back at her.
Thea:
Ahhhh!!!
[SFX: sonic shit / shatter glass, steam]
Scene 8 - Fight
[Int: Cavern. DM, Thea, Astris, Noah B Shark, Smiler]
[SFX: underwater]
DM:
Reality warps, shatters and breaks away. Thea’s scream echoes through the underwater cavern amplified by Trent. Her scream snaps everyone out of their nightmares. Thea touches her horns to make sure they’re still there.
Thea:
(shaken) You absolute motherfucker!! How dare you change me!
Smiler:
Nooo! You bitch! We could have done such great things together. The masses you could have turned to my cause!
Thea:
I would never work for you! I saw what you want me to be! Oberon would never change me!
Astris:
(dazed) Woah what was that?
Smiler:
If you won't join me, none of you will be leaving this cave alive! (rawr)
[SFX Smiler Avatar: impact effort, battle efforts]
Noah B Shark:
Thea! Astris! Thank the gods you're awake! You two were out cold there for a minute! Go free Prince Wade and Galagos! I'll keep this monster busy!
[SFX - whale noises, wall slam, underwater rock fall, Thea's ladies, dimension door pop]
DM:
The Smiler's octopus form ripples, the colors shifting faster and more violently in his rage. Noah turns into a truly massive whale, rivaling the Smiler in size; he plows into the sinister cephalopod ramming him into the chamber wall. Thea’s ladies fly out around the cavern lighting the space, as Thea grabs Astris and dimension doors their way to Galagos.
Astris:
I'll work my blood magic, Thea blast those chains off Galagos.
Thea:
On it Astris!
DM:
Noah and the Smiler Avatar thrash in a flurry of tail whips and tentacle punches. Thea starts blasting away at the chains binding Galagos. Astris swims up to the node on Galagos’ back and tries to bleed on it but the blood disperses into the surrounding ocean water.
[SFX Astris: palm cut ouch]
[SFX - Thea blasts, background slap fight throughout]
Astris:
Thea we've got a problem! I can't get my blood on the crystal! It keeps diluting into the water!
Thea:
Shit! Uh, stick your hand in her mouth or something!?
Astris:
(sigh) Here goes nothing. Galagos, Lilith and Oberon sent us! I'm here to help! Please don't eat my arm, I still need it!
[SFX - whatever the fuck that sounds like]
[SFX - dragon turtle groan]
Thea:
Astris whatever you're doing it's working!
[SFX - chain snap]
Thea:
One chain down!
Smiler:
Not so fast, little bard!
[SFX: whale roar, eldritch blast, whale body slam, tentacle punch]
DM:
With a mighty blow from the Smiler's tentacles, Noah is sent crashing back into the cave wall. Thea pulls at the tentacles around her neck as the rest snake around her body. She manages to blast a tentacle off and momentarily catch her breath.
[SFX - Thea: impact effort, struggle sounds]
[SFX: slap, water struggle]
Thea:
(can't breathe) You son of a bitch…
Smiler:
(pained hiss) I'm going to enjoy hearing your bones break. I wonder if my brother will feel it too.
Thea:
Don't you fucking hurt him!
[SFX Thea: struggle]
DM:
The Smiler octopus inks and drags her higher to the ceiling of the cavern. In the inky confusion more tentacles shoot from the darkness, binding her hands and covering her mouth.
[SFX - tentacle grab, water movement]
[SFX - Thea: hand over mouth struggle]
Thea:
(message)
Astris help!!!
Astris:
(message)
No, Thea! I'm stuck with my hand in Galagos’ mouth!
DM:
The Smiler avatar starts pulling Thea towards its beaked mouth. Suddenly out of the darkness, Noah flies through the water - mouth open and teeth bared. His massive jaw closes around the mantle of the Smiler Avatar. Thea is thrown loose in the chaos, her body covered in sucker marks.
[SFX - chomp, background fighting]
Smiler Avatar:
(pained, frustrated) Curse you!
Thea:
Get him Noah!
Astris:
I think my blood is working Thea! The node is starting to glow pale blue! Oh shit-
DM:
Galagos begins to wake with Astris’ hand still in her mouth. She spits Astris’ arm from her mouth and roars. Astris quickly swims out of the way as Galagos thrashes back and forth causing the remaining chains to pull from their moorings. Rocks begin to fall from the cavern ceiling, threatening a cave-in.
[SFX - dragon turtle roar]
Thea:
Astris look! Above the node crystal, I think that's Wade!
Astris:
You're right! We've gotta grab him and get out before the ceiling falls on us!
Scene 9 - Cat man
[Int: Covenant Base. DM, Kinkfloof]
[SFX: metal footsteps]
[Music: legally distinct mission impossible]
DM:
Meanwhile, inside the Covenant base Kinkfloof has been planting explosives throughout.
Kinkfloof:
Welp. This is the last one. I better get double the chicky fingers for doing this.
DM:
Kinfloof, helped by an ethereal mage paw, reaches into the backpack of holding and pulls out the remaining bomb. He places it on the back of the submersible.
Kinkfloof:
And then what did Carmilla say? Hit the button? That seems right.
[SFX: beeping, but magic]
Kinkfloof:
Oh, shit. Five minutes is not a lot of time, maybe I was supposed to wait… Better find Astris and Thea.
Scene 10 - Yub nub
[Ext: Churning Sea. DM, Thea, Astris, Noah B Shark, Galagos, Smiler, Kinkfloof, Prince Wade, Rhox, Khor, Francesca, Gurt, Lilith, Oberon]
[SFX: underwater]
DM:
Thea and Astris evacuate Prince Wade from the cave as Noah and Galagos thrash inside the cavern with the Smiler.
Prince Wade:
(waking up) Wh-who are you?
Thea:
I'm Thea and this is Astris, we're with Noah.
Astris:
The Covenant used you to feed the apex node of the back of Galagos. Both her and Noah are fighting the monster that was feeding off you.
[SFX - angry whale and turtle sounds, rock fall]
Prince Wade:
(groggy) Feeding off me? Wait, you said Noah? He's here? Oh thank the gods he's alright.
Astris:
He's alright. He's defending us while we get you to safety.
Thea:
Yeah I'd say you've got yourself a keeper there, your highness.
[ENTER Kinkfloof]
Kinkfloof:
Guys! Uh, hey guys we gotta go. Not that I messed anything up, but we gotta go. Like now.
Thea:
Uh huh, what did you do Kinkfloof?
Kinkfloof:
Nothing! But those bombs are gonna go off any minute! Gotta go now!
Astris:
Ah shit. Alright let's go! Thea, message Noah and Galagos, tell them to get out.
[SFX - swimming/water disturbance]
Thea:
(moving fast) Yes ma'am!
[SFX - message fx]
Galagos! Noah! Get out now the base is gonna explode!
DM:
Within moments Galagos and Noah burst from the cavern, each with a number of the Smiler's octopus tentacles in their mouths. They wrestle him over to the base and skewer him atop one of the base's many spikes.
Smiler:
(injured) I'll make you pay for this…
Galagos:
Get on little ones!
DM:
Galagos gathers Thea, Astris, Kinkfloof and Prince Wade on to her back. They grab on to the node and hold on tight as Noah and Galagos swim as fast as they can away from the base. There's a booming explosion as the bombs detonate sending forceful ripples through the water. A trail of black ink can be seen floating up from the wreckage.
[SFX - underwater explosion, ringing in ears]
Astris:
Is everyone okay?
Thea:
What?!
Astris:
I said, is everyone okay?!
Thea:
Oh! Yeah I think so? Are we all here?
Prince Wade:
My ears hurt...
[SFX - magical de-whaling, drop wild shape, whale groan]
Noah B Shark:
Prince Wade! Oh Wade, you're alright! I was so afraid I'd lost you!
Prince Wade:
Noah! My sweet, sweet Noah – I knew you'd get me out of there, love.
Noah B Shark:
I would not have succeeded without the aid of Ser Astris and Mistress Thea. They freed me from that terrible cell and helped me find you.
Prince Wade:
Then they shall be given the highest honors in Cordelia. My father will make sure of it.
Astris:
That's too kind, really. We are beyond grateful for Noah's help. Saving you and freeing Galagos would have been much more difficult without him.
Thea:
Okay, but wait, is your dad hot though?
Prince Wade:
Well, I mean I'm his son. Look at the material.
Noah B Shark:
(nodding) Prince Wade is correct.
Thea:
Then I very much look forward to fu- (throat clear) meeting your dad.
Astris:
Never change, Thea.
Kinkfloof:
(throat clear for attention)
Astris:
And you did good too, little buddy. Even if we did have to flee rather quickly, you technically landed the killing blow on the Smiler. Good job Kinkfloof!
Kinkfloof:
(slowly realizes he did land the killing blow) Yeah, yeah I did! And nothing that went wrong was my fault. Exactly.
Galagos:
I must thank you all for freeing me from the Covenant. The ocean has taken a turn for the worse in my absence. I have much work ahead of me to restore these waters.
Noah B Shark:
The King of Cordelia conducted many search missions to find you, Great Galagos. Our team was captured during our search. I am sorry we did not find you faster.
Galagos:
Ah, Cordelia. Your people have always been good to me. You have always treated the ocean with respect.
Prince Wade:
The people of Cordelia are always at your service, Great Galagos.
Astris:
With your permission I can continue healing the crystal on your back. Thea and I were sent by Lilith and Oberon.
Galagos:
Ah, so the gods have remembered me in my time of need, I am touched. You have my blessing and permission.
Astris:
Okay here goes. Thea?
Thea:
(snaps out of gooner brain) By the powers given to us by the green god Oberon —
Astris:
And Lilith, the Lady of Chains, we cleanse this crystal.
[SFX: node crystal shit, crystal hum]
DM:
The node hums as the familiar colors of the gods flash through it – throbbing red, quick flashing blue, and a strangely anemic green. The water in Galagos’ wake begins to clear.
[EQ: god message]
Lilith:
I knew you would not fail me, my paladin.
Oberon:
(weak) Well done, my ocean breeze. Please, hurry…
Thea:
Oberon? Oberon what's wrong?!
Astris:
Thea, is everything okay?
Thea:
I'm… not sure, Astris…
[EQ: node radio]
[SFX: node crystal ambiance]
Gurt:
Thea, Astris, come in! I hear you! Everyone's here!
Francesca:
Astris? Are you there?
Astris:
Esca! It's so good to hear your voice.
Rhox:
Q? Baby, are you there?
Thea:
Rhox! Fuck I miss you. I'm a mermaid right now, my ass looks amazing and I wish you could see it so badly. But how's it going up on land?
Rhox:
Feldspar and their smiths are working as fast as they can. They've sent us more armor and weapons than we had before but we always seem to need more.
Khor:
Miss Lisa has sent a small squadron of her finest bulls, as well as a platoon of heifers to help us train our new recruits. One of the bulls keeps asking for you, Thea.
Thea:
Oh that's probably Jax. Tell him I say hi and to be a good boy, until I get there.
Astris:
We fought alongside them before we found our way to Utopia. They’ll do well training your people.
Rhox:
They've been amazingly helpful already. Weapons and armor are no use if our people don't know how to use them. And our manpower has been so limited, they’re really going to help turn the tide.
Thea:
Ha, so speaking of tides… I know where the Covenant is assembling their army and when they plan on attacking. The Dueling Delta, where the Aurora and Valgon rivers meet the sea, and they plan on attacking in less than two weeks. I saw it on a document in an officer's desk.
Khor:
That is valuable information Thea. We knew they were pulling back for an attack but now we know where and when. (sigh) That is not a lot of time, I wish we had longer to prepare.
Francesca:
I'm also afraid there have been some converts who have been less-than-honest. We caught them trying to abscond with plans. With magical aid from Strix we’ve begun truth screening all existing and new converts. (beat) Yes she told me she met you.
Thea:
Oh, yeah Strix was great! She reminds me of you.
Astris:
I'm sorry Esca, is everyone still safe? They didn’t escape with anything important?
Francesca:
No one was killed, thankfully. But we're not sure what information they may have snuck out to the Covenant.
Khor:
It has stirred up animosity and distrust between the human and non-human refugees. We have been able to keep it in check for now, but tensions are high.
Rhox:
But you let us worry about things in Utopia. Whatever you’re doing Sweets, keep it up. You've got them scared. But get back to us soon okay?
Thea:
I'll get back as soon as I can, big guy… we've just got to find the node of fire. We're so close…
Gurt:
The node connections are stronger, the other slime queens can feel it too. We sense the last node is in the west. The presence of the Gods in Null is stronger than ever. We know you can do it. We will talk to you again at the final node.
Astris:
We won't let you guys down. I promise.
[SFX: hang up]
Thea:
Astris, it pains me to say it, I don't think we have time to celebrate in Cordelia with Prince Wade's hot King dad.
Astris:
I think you're right, Thea. Things on land sound like they're reaching a turning point. And what was wrong with Oberon?
Thea:
I'm worried about him, his energy felt off. Something's happening up north, I can feel it. He had a nosebleed when he left the Ribbon, he said his brother was trying to breach the barrier to the feywild. I'm so worried about him.
Astris:
I'm sorry Thea. I know how much he means to you. (pause) Have your powers felt off?
Thea:
Not that I've noticed yet…
Galagos:
I could not help but overhear your troubles, little ones. All rivers flow to the sea, I know of the Aurora and Valgon. I could cause them to catastrophically flood and destroy as much of the Covenant army as possible.
Thea:
You could?! Thank you! That would greatly help lighten the burden on Utopia. (aside to Galagos) And I mean I’m sure you wanna give em just a little what-for, for grievances committed.
Galagos:
(chuckle) Perhaps…
Prince Wade:
Upon our return to Cordelia we will see what sort of assistance my father, the King, can offer. Though, I fear our resources are stretched rather thin at the moment.
Noah B Shark:
The world fights for freedom from the Covenant, we can not sit by passively as others fight.
Prince Wade:
And we won’t. But right now you’re exhausted Noah, we both are. You just finished wrestling a great beast into submission and I was trapped in what I can only describe as the worst nap I’ve ever had. We’re in no shape to do anything right now.
Noah B Shark:
But my Prince! I can rest when I'm dead! Now is the time for action!
Thea:
(chuckles) Aw, Noah you sound like Astris. But Wade is right. You need rest now more than anything.
Galagos:
I have an innate connection to the leylines of the world. If you need to find the node of fire, I can take you to the coast it lies on. I swim faster than any creature in the sea; by my speed the Flaming Coast is but a three day journey.
Astris:
Thank you! I don’t think we could have made it to the node before the impending attack on Utopia.
Thea:
We’ll definitely be able to find it from shore.
Kinkfloof:
(dreamy) Shore. Dry land. I'm so excited not to have wet fur anymore.
[End Episode #5]