Thea and Astris find old friends while fighting for control of the last leyline node.
Season 2
Episode 6 - Burning Love
Scene 1 - Running Up that Hill
[Ext: Flaming Coast. DM, Thea, Astris, Kinkfloof]
DM:
Hello and welcome back, lovely listeners. We rejoin Thea and Astris as they swim the last hundred meters to the sandy shores of the Flaming Coast. The portion of beach they arrive at is surrounded by dunes the size of buildings, blocking their view further inland. As they reach the shallows they remove and stow their fins.
[SFX - waves, sea birds, beach sounds, splashing, walking through water, rubber fin snap]
Astris:
Whoa, my legs feel shaky being back on land. I guess we were down there for a while.
Thea:
Oof me too, but fuck the sunlight feels so good I don't even care! I'll never take the sun for granted again!
[SFX - cat shakes dry, end water sloshing, sand footsteps]
Kinkfloof:
(relieved) Dry land! Now I just need to dry myself.
Thea:
Same little buddy. I think I can help us out there.
[SFX - prestidigitation sounds behind DM, water wringing]
DM:
Thea dries herself with prestidigitation, letting the magic wring the salt water from her hair. She kneels down and runs her hands over Kinkfloof's fur and wings as she does the same for him.
Kinkfloof:
Oh wow, that feels so much better. Thanks Thea.
Astris:
Hey guys, I've been looking and I don't really see a way around this massive hill of sand. It stretches down the beach as far as the eye can see. I think we're gonna have to go up and over it.
Thea:
Ewww it's so hiiiiigh.
Astris:
Come on Thea.
Thea:
(climbing effort) Is anyone else not a little scared of this? This is more sand than I’ve ever seen in my life. I’ve heard stories about people drowning in farm silos. If you can drown in grain you can drown in sand. I hate this place.
Kinkfloof:
You know what, maybe I'll just stay in the air then…
Astris:
(teasing)
You hate everything that isn't a feather bed, Thea.
[SFX - sand shifting climbing, Kinkfloof wing flap]
Thea:
Yeah, that's true.
[SFX - air venting sound, continuous and growing in intensity, ground rumble, boom, fire geyser]
Thea:
Well that rumbling’s probably not good…
Astris:
We've gotta make it up the hill! Thea, run!
DM:
As Thea and Astris scramble up the sand dune a geyser of fire shoots from the ground behind them. They can feel the intensity of the heat on their heels. All around them pillars of flame erupt from the ground.
Thea:
(dainty)
Ah! Fuck fuck!
[SFX - sand, sand scrambling]
Kinkfloof:
Faster guys! Must go faster!
Astris:
Wait Thea, your magic wings! Use them!
Thea:
Oh shit I forgot. We've been under water ok! Grab on Astris!
[SFX: tinkle sparkle Thea wings]
[Thea: panting, effort
Astris: running effort]
DM:
Thea's wings activate and she flies up the side of the dune. She isn't able to fly very high, due to being encumbered by Astris. Luckily, with the added assistance, Astris is able to run up the hill faster if less dignified.
[SFX - grabby, sand drag/run]
[SFX - Rumble explodes fire geyser]
Astris:
(singed by fire geyser)
Ooo That’s a little toasty!
Thea:
Astris, are you okay?!
Astris:
Oh yeah, I'm fine. Lilith made me a little more fire resistant when we were in the Ribbon.
Thea:
Really? That’s convenient!
DM:
As they crest the top of the dune Thea tosses Astris to safety and flies higher to look around. She sees various flame geysers erupting across the vast desert scape. As she scans the horizon she sees a man, a dog, and a gnoll with golden hair being chased by a handful of Covenant.
Thea:
(gasp) It can't be… Gilthaniel? Oh shit…
Astris:
What?!
Thea:
Covenant! And I can't be sure, but I think they're chasing Gilt!
Astris:
Oh shit...
Thea:
OH SHIT
Astris:
What?!
Thea:
I’M STILL NAKED!
Astris:
Oh shit!
Scene 2 - Back Shots
[Ext: Flaming Coast. Thea, Astris, DM, Gilthaniel, Jessica]
[SFX - action music, feet running in sand, wings]
DM:
Thea, Astris and Kinkfloof chase the Covenant in pursuit of Gilthaniel and his companions. Thea and Kinkfloof soar through the air as Astris chases on foot. Thea's ladies flutter around her holding long silk fabric aloft to cover up her nakedness.
Thea:
(message)
Gods Astris, that dog really is Bonejaw!
Astris:
(message)
Bonejaw? Are you sure?
Thea:
(message)
He's the only dog I've ever seen with skull facial markings! Which means that must be Gilthaniel. I'm going in, Astris!
DM:
Thea takes aim at the center of the Covenant soldiers before sending a thunderous bolt of green energy down from the sky. The sudden attack takes the Covenant by surprise as they turn to see Astris and Thea barreling towards them. The booming sound makes Gilthaniel turn around.
[SFX - eldritch blast, dog barking, sand impact, cop panic]
Gilthaniel:
(near disbelief)
Thea…?
Jessica:
You know the naked lady in the sky Gilthaniel?!
Gilthaniel:
That is the Mistress Cacophony, Jessica. Let's help her take care of these Covenant.
DM:
The Covenant still standing after Thea's blast are quickly surrounded by Astris, Gilthaniel, Bonejaw, and Jessica. The fight doesn't last long. Bonejaw and Gilthaniel work in tandem to bring down a few, while Astris and Jessica quickly dispatch the rest.
Astris:
Oh shit! It is you Githaniel! It’s me! It’s Astris! That’s Thea! Up there with the wings! They're new!
DM:
Thea floats gracefully down to the ground, a long white dress now clothing her previous nakedness. Kinkfloof lands on Astris’ shoulder, tucking his wings onto his back. Bonejaw sniffs at the cat suspiciously.
[SFX - dog sniffing, then cat hiss]
Astris:
Wait, when did you have time to get dressed Thea?
Thea:
It’s an illusion, Astris… shhhhhhhh (clears throat) We just keep running into each other, Gilthaniel.
Gilthaniel:
Thea… Astris… I can't believe you're here.
[SFX - Bonejaw sniff]
Thea:
(to Bonejaw) Hello Bonejaw, glad to see you don't hate me anymore.
[SFX - Bonejaw bark]
Thea:
(to Gilthaniel) I could say the very same thing to you Gilt. What are you doing here?
Gilthaniel:
There were sightings of a giant creature off the coast. Jessica and I had been on our way to investigate when we ran into a small group of Covenant stragglers.
Thea:
No handsome, I mean what are you even doing this far south? I didn't realize hunting took you this far into, and I say this with respect, the middle of fucking nowhere.
Gilthaniel:
Following rumors. I ran into a hunting party from Jessica's clan, and I've been working with them ever since. But we can discuss that later, we probably shouldn't linger.
[SFX - group footsteps]
Jessica:
Um hi there! I'm Jessica, nice to meet you. Githaniel said you're the Mistress Cacophony which means you must be the Pale Knight.
Astris:
Oh nice to meet you! You can just call me Astris.
Thea:
Jessica, I'm Thea. Happy to run into some friendly faces out here. First giant pillars of fire try to kill us, then we find Covenant. There usually this many Covenant down here?
Jessica:
They've only been here for the past few years or so. And the flame geysers only started appearing in the last few months.
Thea:
Oh, so the pillars of fire are new? Fun. How have you managed to avoid the Covenant all this time? There doesn't seem to be anywhere to really hide.
Jessica:
My people know this area very well. We keep one step ahead of them by staying mobile, and staying hidden. It helps that they're generally too afraid to leave their refinery compound. They really don't like the sand storms.
Astris:
We're so glad we ran into you. It'll make our job much easier to work with someone who has first-hand knowledge of this place.
Gilthaniel:
Speaking of your work, how did the two of you end up down here?
Astris:
How we got here is a long story actually… But Thea would probably tell it better.
Thea:
No no, please. Go on Astris, I'd love to hear how you tell the story.
Astris:
Well, okay. So after you gave us the bag of powered minotaur cum...
Scene 3 - Lore Dump
[Ext: Tent. Sundown. Thea, Astris, Kinkfloof, DM, Gilthaniel, Jessica]
[SFX: low wind, light sand clatter, background camp chatter/movement]
DM:
By the time they make it to the gnoll camp the sun is setting in the sky. The tents are well camouflaged between tall sand dunes. The other gnolls watch as the Mistress Cacophony and her Pale Knight begin to make their way through camp.
Astris:
And then we rode a dragon turtle all the way here! Then we ran up a hill and saw you guys. And then we dispatched those covenant, and then you asked how we got here, so then I said, well after you gave us the bag of powdered minotaur cum—
Thea:
Yes Astris! Thank you!
Jessica:
Wow you did all that?
Kinkfloof:
Unfortunately.
Astris:
And now we're here looking for the last apex node we need to cleanse from the Smiler's control. It's a large crystal, like can fit a person in it large. You wouldn't happen to know what or where that is would you?
Jessica:
Actually I think I do. We call it the Sun Crystal. It lies on the far side of the refinery; it can be hard to find as the winds tend to bury it in sand.
Thea:
The last Covenant base we were in had documents referencing an ammo refinery on the Flaming Coast. It wasn't much and was short on details but it's yours.
[SFX - bag opening, papers]
Jessica:
Thank you, even if they're of no help, I'm glad it's at least out of Covenant hands.
Astris:
Why put an ammunition refinery so far out of the way? What were they making?
Jessica:
We're not completely certain, though we have a hunch as to what they were mining. I have studied alchemy with the wisest teachers on the Flaming Coast. They warn of an ore, found deep under the sand.
Jessica:
It causes a fatal sickness to those exposed to it for too long. That is why even though the Covenant abandoned the refinery about a week ago, we have not yet investigated the facility.
Thea:
Hmmm that’s around when the Covenant called all their troops to the Delta. I wonder if they're going to use the mystery ammo on Utopia. Either way, this can't be good.
Jessica:
Ah, is that why they picked up and left so fast? We do our best to stay clear of the Covenant. But our scouts did notice that many soldiers entered the facility but very few ever left. Especially after they brought in the Necromancer.
Astris:
The necromancer?
Gilthaniel:
After Bonejaw and I got as far enough away from Haven we started hearing rumors about disappearing Covenant southward. The farther south we traveled the more we heard whispers about this necromancer.
Gilthaniel:
They say she wears all black, with a wide brim hat and bandolier of bells across her chest. The people in the taverns on the southern banks of the Aurora would barely even speak of her, for fear of summoning her.
Astris:
If all the Covenant has cleared out, would you be able to lead us to the refinery? Thea and I need to see what went on there. If they were making weapons of some kind with this deadly ore then we need to learn as much as we can and warn Utopia.
Gilthaniel:
I can take you there. Though I have no way of sensing this stone's sickly energy.
Thea:
Mmmm yeah, I don't want to have survived all those fights with the Smiler's avatars only to be taken down by a rock with an attitude problem. Jessica, I know you said it's still dangerous but it's imperative that we investigate this facility.
Jessica:
If it's that important to ending the Covenant's rule, I will help guide you. I have a warning stone that will turn yellow if it detects the malignant aura. It's still not a guarantee, but it's better than nothing.
Astris:
Thank you Jessica. We wouldn't ask if it wasn't important.
Jessica:
Then we'll leave for the refinery in the morning. Astris, Thea, we'll have a tent put up for you. You are free to move about the camp, but don't wander off. The sand can be very unforgiving.
Scene 4 - Cil's Nipple Thorn
[Ext: Campfire. Night. Thea, Gilthaniel, DM]
[SFX - desert crickets, camp fire]
DM:
Thea sits beside a low-burning campfire, her knees tucked up against her chest. Her fairy attendants flit around her, fussing with her hair and buffing her nails. She faces north staring up at the flickering aurora in the sky, clutching her jade idol.
Thea:
Oberon, I don't know if you can hear me, but I'm coming for you. I see that you're hurting and it kills me. I've never seen the blue and green waves flicker in the sky like this. Please hold on, please don't give up.
[SFX - slow footsteps in sand]
Gilthaniel:
Thea?
Thea:
(slightly startled) Ah, oh sorry Gilt, I was miles away. Sit, the fire hasn't burned out yet.
[SFX - pokes at fire between miles away and sit]
Gilthaniel:
Thank you. (sits next to her) So if you're not here, where are you?
Thea:
North. Praying that Oberon is okay.
Gilthaniel:
I'm glad everything worked out between you and the Green God. I always worried leading you to the feywild would be the last time I ever saw you.
Thea:
(soft chuckle) You know I always wondered if you regretted helping us flee Haven after Astris stole that armor.
Gilthaniel:
I might have regretted it in the moment, but the way the Covenant started cracking down on places like the Chalice made me glad you weren't there. Wherever you were was better than Haven.
Thea:
Oh there were several times I thought the feywild was gonna kill us. But given all Astris and I have been through since then, it feels almost quaint.
Gilthaniel:
You've come so far and done so much, I think I'm more intimidated by you now than I was back in Haven.
Thea:
You were what?! (laughs) Gilt, I used to watch for you when the hunters returned. I'd scan the crowd for you at the Chalice. You were the only person in that whole damn town I wanted to look at me.
Gilthaniel:
You sure did know how to make everyone look at you. Something I see you've only gotten better at.
Thea:
A lover in every town and a song on my lips. It's the bardic way.
DM:
Thea takes his hand in hers as she traces the lines and scars across his weathered hand. She places a kiss on his palm.
[SFX Thea: palm kiss]
Thea:
I like the way you look at me, Gilthaniel.
Gilthaniel:
Gods Thea… I… (reluctantly pulls back) Damn it, I'm sorry, Thea. It's not that I don't want to, but it appears that our timing is still terrible. I have news, and I'm afraid it's not good.
Thea:
(sobering) What is it Gilt?
Gilthaniel:
The last time I saw you, I couldn't give you a definitive answer about what happened to Drucilla. But as I was leaving Haven I snuck into town to find those answers for you. And I found this.
DM:
Gilthaniel retrieves something from a pouch in his belt. A silver thorn in the palm of his hand. At the sight of it Thea's heart falls into her stomach.
[SFX - pouch rustle, leather squeak]
Thea:
That's Cil's nipple piercing. It was a symbol of her pact with the fey. I know it was important to her. Thank you for bringing it to me.
Gilthaniel:
Of course Thea. I know the two of you were close.
Thea:
She was my best friend in Haven. We were the only two tieflings you know? She was a wildly talented herbalist, with an absolutely wicked sense of humor. Gods, I don't even know how many hours we spent drinking tea and gossiping at her table.
Gilthaniel:
I didn't know her very well, but the Drucilla I saw was confident and demanded respect. I always thought well of her for that.
Thea:
You know it's funny, it was my job to perform confidence on stage, but I always felt like Cil was the real deal. Beautiful, confident, talented, unapologetically sexual.
Gilthaniel:
I remember her door knockers, yes.
Thea:
I loved those things! Getting your hands on those big metal boobs always made me giggle, really helped set the mood for our hang outs. It was tragic how straight she was. It was me! I'm literally everyone's exception!
Thea:
(sober a little) Thank you for bringing me this. Thank you for giving me this closure. (beat) It's not lost on me how many times you've risked your life for my sake. My list of IOUs is getting quite long, how am I ever going to repay you?
Gilthaniel:
I'm sure we'll find some way to ease your conscience.
Thea:
Oh, I look forward to it.
[SFX - Bonejaw barking in the distance]
Gilthaniel:
(warm chuckle) Get some rest Thea. You've had a long day, and tomorrow will be even longer.
[SFX - Gilthaniel: cheek kiss]
[SFX - clothes shifting, getting up, footsteps walking away]
Thea:
That dog is still a cock block…
Scene 5 - Dead Secrets
[Int: Mining Installation. Next Day. Astris, Thea, Kinkfloof, Gilthaniel, Jessica, DM]
[SFX - wind, sand, sun]
DM:
The next day, Thea, Astris and Kinkfloof follow Jessica and Gilthaniel out to the ammunitions refinery. As the sun climbs higher in the sky the temperature drastically rises.
Astris:
Oof it's getting pretty hot out here. How are you feeling Thea?
Thea:
You know what, for once I'm not going to complain about the weather.
Kinkfloof:
Who are you and what have you done with Thea?
Thea:
(snort) I mean, I much prefer this over being underground or underwater. It was so cold down there, and tieflings get cold very easily I'll have you know. At least up here the sun feels nice and warm on my skin.
Astris:
You might wanna be careful, I think you're already starting to burn a little.
Thea:
(gasp) What? Where?
DM:
Thea's fairy attendants fly above her holding a substantial piece of silk to shield her from the sun. Thea can't help but notice her ladies seem dimmer, and less lively.
Thea:
Oh, my ladies, you don't have to do that. Go. Rest. I'll deal with the sun.
Gilthaniel:
We're just about there.
DM:
Thea's attendants stomp and pout before acquiescing. As our travelers crest the sand dune the Covenant facility comes into view. It's eerie in its stillness, with walls stretching all the way around and several stories high.
Gilthaniel:
Bonejaw and I are going to scout ahead. Make sure they didn't leave any booby traps for us.
Jessica:
Thea, Astis, stay close to me and stay quiet. While we have good reason to believe it's abandoned we should still be cautious. We don't know the condition of the buildings or if they left anyone behind.
Astris:
Alright, lead the way.
[SFX - walking in sand, wind, corrugated metal clanging/wood creaking, movement of Gilt returning, Bonejaw panting]
Gilthaniel:
Okay, it looks clear. No traps. No people. Well, not living anyway. The Covenant has abandoned this place thoroughly. Be warned, the smell is bad.
DM:
Gilthaniel and Jessica carefully lead Astris and Thea through the gates of the refinery. Inside they find half-dilapidated buildings scattered around the perimeter, with a large warehouse at the far end. In the center is a deep pit, a spiral pathway leading into the darkness.
DM:
Hundreds of dead Covenant pepper the area. The smell of rot hangs in the air, thick and putrid. The only thing keeping the worst of the stench at bay is the wind.
[SFX - Thea: gagging]
[SFX - Bonejaw whimper/gag?]
Kinkfloof:
(gag) You said it BJ…
Thea:
Gods, this is grim, even for the Covenant.
Astris:
They are all Covenant. They killed their own people…
Gilthaniel:
Anything is disposable if it's a means to an end.
Jessica:
We should investigate the buildings that haven't collapsed. Maybe there's something that explains what they were doing with the ore. Make sure to follow my lead, if my warning stone reacts, we have to leave that area promptly.
DM:
The group makes their way down one side of the facility, carefully picking through the desks and cabinets of the buildings still standing. Jessica's warning stone glows yellow at a few points, barring them from entering further.
[SFX - behind DM Thea: huffing]
[SFX: building creaks, rummaging, warning stone]
DM:
As they cross to the other side of the facility they have to go around the mining pit. They peer down into the dark. A terrible smell emanates from deep within; a combination of sulphur and rot that sends Thea away retching.
[SFX - Thea: retching]
[SFX - hole sound, wind]
DM:
Astris puts her arm around Thea as they head into some of the last buildings to be explored. Much to the group's frustration these ramshackle buildings hold no useful information, just the detritus of a place that once held purpose.
Thea:
This is bullshit! It's all just trash and old socks! Ewww! There has to be something in this Gods forsaken hell hole!
Astris:
There's still the warehouse we haven't investigated yet. Don't give up Thea.
[SFX - footsteps as they talk]
Thea:
This whole place feels terrible. It's heavy and it's making my head hurt.
Gilthaniel:
(aside to Thea. Comforting.)
There's not much left to search, can you hold out a little longer?
Thea:
(sigh) Yeah, I can do it.
[SFX: foot steps, sliding door squeaks open]
Jessica:
Oof it smells even worse in here. Wow, look at this place. All these spare parts; vehicle and weapon pieces all over the place. Fewer bodies in here at least. I'll yell if the warning stone lights up.
Gilthaniel:
(observations)
By the look and smell of it, these Covenant haven't been dead for as long as the ones outside. Hmm, Look at the tracks leading out the back of the warehouse. Those tread marks are massive. Bigger than anything I've ever seen.
Thea:
I don't like this. I have a terrible feeling in my chest.
DM:
They spread out and check worktables, junk piles, cabinets, anything that might hold more information about what took place here; what sort of weapon the Covenant created here.
[SFX - rummaging]
Jessica:
Nothing. No documentation, no blueprints, no correspondence. They must have completely purged this place.
Thea:
Damn it! There have to be answers somewhere! This place is giving me a headache and I refuse to leave here with nothing!
[SFX - stompy little feet, armor rattling]
Thea:
Wake up! Wake up you dead son of a bitch! What the fuck happened here!?
DM:
Thea shakes the corpse, her eyes glowing green as the hollow sockets of the body alight with the same green glow. A rattling gasp escapes as it answers her question.
[SFX - Bonejaw barking at corpse, behind DM]
Corpse:
We dug with rotting fingers. Deep deep in the ground. Find ore.
Astris:
The dead body is talking. I didn't know you could do that Thea.
Thea:
I didn't know I could do this either, Astris. Shit, okay. What was this ore used for?
Corpse:
Necromancer wanted power for weapon.
Thea:
What is the weapon for?
Corpse:
Kill a god.
Thea:
What God?
Corpse:
Do not know.
Thea:
Fuck. Where was the weapon going?
Corpse:
North. Border.
DM:
With its last gasping answer the green light leaves the corpse's eyes and Thea's return to their normal shade of gold. She lets the corpse fall as she stumbles from the magical effort
[SFX - Thea: panting]
[SFX - foot scuffle, Astris catching Thea, armor rattle]
Gilthaniel:
(catching Thea oof) Thea, you're trembling. Are you alright?
Thea:
Oberon, they’re going to kill Oberon.
(gagging)
I have to get out of here, I can't breathe.
Astris:
We'll come with you Thea. It's not safe.
Thea:
I just need to be alone for a minute. I won't go far. I just can't stay here.
[EXIT Thea]
[SFX - stompy little feet, sliding metal door creak, Bonejaw whimper]
Astris:
It's okay, let her have a moment. Thea doesn't like being seen when she feels less than perfect.
Jessica:
Well, at least thanks to Thea's strange power we were able to learn something of what happened here. Maybe, now we can help you locate the Sun crystal. As I said before it is difficult to find.
[SFX - group walking, sliding metal door creaking open, outside wind.]
Astris:
Thea and I have a locating spell we use to find the nodes. But we would still love to have an expert on the area with us.
Jessica:
Excellent! This will save us so much time. And it sounds like you're short on that.
Gilthaniel:
We might want to hunker down here for a few hours at least. Sky looks like a sandstorm is on its way.
Kinkfloof:
Um hey, where'd Thea go? I don’t see her inside the walls…
Astris:
Ah shit. Thea!
Scene 6 - Darude
[Ext: Flaming Coast. Astris, DM, Kinkfloof, Gilthaniel, Jessica]
[SFX - intense wind, sand blasting the fuck around, slightly muffled speaking voices]
DM:
Astris carries Kinkfloof in her arms as they are led through the desert by Jessica and Gilthaniel in their search for Thea. The sky is quickly turning orange as the sand storm closes in on them quickly.
Kinkfloof:
(grumbling) I'm never going to get the sand out of my fur.
Astris:
Thea! Thea! Damn it, where did she go? I don't think she's ever moved this fast before.
[SFX - foots steps in sand moving fast]
Jessica:
(voice raised to be heard over storm)
We need to hunker down at the base of this dune!
Gilthaniel:
(voice raised to be heard over storm)
We can take shelter under the canvas of my tent!
[SFX - canvas, windswept canvas, wind howling outside.]
Gilthaniel:
(voice raised to be heard over storm)
There, this should do until the storm passes!
Astris:
Thea is still out there!
Gilthaniel:
(voice raised to be heard over storm)
I know Astris, I'm worried about her too. But we won't be any use to her dead, and these storms can be deadly.
[SFX - fire geyser rumbling]
Jessica:
(voice raised to be heard over storm)
Oh no, no no no! Not now! A geyser is about to erupt! We gotta move!
Astris:
Ah shit, come on Kinkfloof!
[SFX - canvas flapping, clothes and armor rustle]
Jessica:
(voice raised to be heard over storm)
It's a big one! Get farther away than you think you need to!
[SFX - running in sand, fire go boom]
Astris:
Kinkfloof:
Gilthaniel:
Jessica:
Ahhhhhh! (impact sounds, diving out of the way)
Scene 7 - Fight That Snake
[Ext: Node. Thea, Astris, DM, Kinkfloof, Smiler]
[SFX - wind, sand patter]
Astris:
Oof, that was a big one. Thanks for the warning Jessica. Jessica? Gilthaniel? Ah shit, I think we lost them in the storm.
Kinkfloof:
Great, what a well-executed day this has been. If Thea hadn't stomped off we wouldn't be in this situation.
[SFX - message]
Thea:
Astris! Astris! Can you hear me?!
Astris:
Thea! We were so worried about you!
Thea:
Astris! Oh thank fuck, I'm sorry! I didn't realize how far I walked and by the time I did I was lost and that storm didn't make things easier!
Astris:
Where are you? Are you hurt?
Thea:
I'm not hurt! The sandstorm was rolling in fast, it was getting hard to breathe. I understand now why Jessica wears that mask. But in my panic I managed to summon a little hut. Kept me out of the storm, funny I've never done that before. I'll shoot a blast into the air, come find me!
[SFX - end message, blastin but like a wet fart]
Kinkfloof:
Was that sad green blast Thea?
Astris:
Yeah, quick we gotta get over to her!
[SFX - running through sand. Sound fade out, sound fade in to indicate time passing]
Thea:
Astris!
[SFX - Thea tackle hugs Astris]
Astris:
Oof! Thea! I'm so glad we found you. We gotta find Jessica and Gilthaniel, we lost them in the storm. They're still looking for you.
Thea:
Oberon is gonna die, we don’t have time! If they know where the node usually is they'll know to look for us there. We need to find the Sun crystal and connect to the leylines.
Astris:
(unsure grumble) Mmmm, yeah.
Yeah you're right. Okay, let's do it. We're already out here.
[SFX: draw circle, leyline magic sound]
Astris:
Thea:
This way.
Kinkfloof:
Here we go again.
DM:
Thea, Astris and Kinkfloof plod their way through the rolling hills of sand, the sun is beginning to hang low in the sky. Evening is soon approaching as they come upon a dune that looks like any other.
Thea:
It should be here! But I don’t see anything!
Astris:
Jessica did say the winds tend to bury it in the sand. It's a shame we don't have any way to blast through it.
Thea:
(grumble) iT's a ShAmE ThEa cAn'T bLaSt
Astris:
Oh wait! I think I've got just the thing.
[SFX - spiritual weapon magic, shovel sound]
Kinkfloof:
A giant shovel? Really Astris?
Thea:
That's actually kinda brilliant. Love that it's red, nice touch.
DM:
Astris wields the magical red shovel from a distance, moving large quantities of sand from the dune covering the Sun Crystal. It strikes something under the sand, that makes her pause.
[SFX - shovel hitting hard scales/node]
Astris:
Oh! I think I hit crystal!
Smiler:
(laughter) Guesssss again Pale Knight.
Kinkfloof:
Oh fuck! I was hoping never to meet this guy!
Thea:
You! What have you done to Oberon!? Get out here so we can kick your ass again!
Smiler:
(smug laughter) I haven't done anything. Yet. He'ssss taxing himsssself trying to keep me out. And I can ssssmell how weak you are, my pet.
Thea:
You forget that I am still actually a bard! Eat lightning fucker! Hit him Trent!
[SFX - powerful Trent twang, lightning strike, thunder clap]
Astris:
Get him Thea! (attention on the Smiler) Smiler! I'm gonna turn you into a fucking belt!
[SFX - shovel slap, running in sand]
Thea:
Kinkfloof go! Find Gilt and Jessica now!
Kinkfloof:
On it! Gone!
[EXIT Kinkfloof]
Smiler:
Your friendssss won't ssssave you. (lunging hiss attack sound)
Thea:
Astris:
Ahh! [behind DM]
DM:
The massive Smiler cobra unfurls from around the apex node. His hood flares wide, revealing smile-like markings as he bears down on Astris and Thea. The fight is chaotic, with Thea running to keep out of range as Astris turns to face the Smiler.
[SFX - lighting crack, shovel slap, behind DM Thea: panting]
Smiler:
Not sssso fasssssst, the fun hasss jussst begun. We have until ssssundown to play!
DM:
The Smiler's tail whips out from under the sand, slapping Thea towards him and into Astris. The hit is enough to make Thea lose concentration on her lighting and the cloud dissipates. He lunges at them, fangs bared to bite.
Thea:
Astris:
Oof! [behind DM]
Thea:
No Astris! Armor of Oberon, please work!
[SFX - armor of Oberon forming but dissolving, bite sound]
Thea:
(cries out in pain)
Shit! Shit! It didn't work… Mmm fuck one of those fangs got me Astris…
Astris:
Oh no, no no Thea! You bastard! (mace effort) Right in the eye!
[SFX - mace hitting snake, with tasty smite, running in sand]
Smiler:
(hiss in pain)
Astris:
Here let me try to clear the poison.
[SFX - lay on hands]
(frustration) It's not taking, this venom is too strong, but I can at least heal you up a little.
Thea:
(wheeze) It burns, I'm not down for the count yet. (lute strum) Quick Astris, dimension door us into the fog cloud!
[SFX - fog machine hiss, dimension door]
Thea:
I'm only at half my power. I could put on a great show, but that's not helpful for us right now. I can, at least, make you more deadly.
Astris:
We'll get through this, I'll make sure of it. (deep breath) Okay, buff me up.
Thea:
Go fuck him up.
DM:
Thea touches Astris, sending a quickening jolt through the paladin. Astris feels power and stamina flow through her body, as Thea's spell takes hold. She busts out of the fog cloud, mace held high. At her command the red shovel cuts through the tail of the cobra, black ichor spilling forth.
DM:
Astris runs up the back of the Smiler faster than she's ever moved before. Her mace takes out chunks of his flesh as she runs. A strong gust of wind blows the remaining fog cloud away, revealing Thea's position.
[SFX - Smiler: cry of pain.
Astris: running and swinging efforts]
[SFX - haste spell, shovel through tail, ichor squirt, running from sand to snake, mace smack, snake chunks, gust of wind]
Smiler:
(strained, annoyed)
There you are, little bard.
Thea:
Shit, come on body move. (effort) Come on legs move! (panicked panting)
Smiler:
Ah, lookssss like the paralyzzzing effect of my venom issss taking hold. You'll be a tassssty little ssssnack once I finissssh off the Pale Knight.
Thea:
(breathing labored)
Like you'll ever be able to catch her, you slow sack of shit! Get mocked bitch! Fuck him up Astris!
[SFX - lute strum]
Smiler:
Fine, you want to die now? Sssso be it. (chuckle, smug) My real body is probably close enough to hear my brother wail over your death. How delightful.
DM:
With that the Smiler lunges at Thea, while she desperately tries to misty step out of the way. The spell fizzles and she moves only several feet to the side. The massive cobra snatches Thea in its jaw and thrashes her around like a toy.
Thea:
(bad sounds, oh no I'm getting eaten and not in a good way)
Astris:
THEA! Let go of her! (like a prayer) Mother Lilith, please give me the strength to dispatch this monster and keep my friends safe.
Astris:
Smiler:
(battle efforts)
DM:
Astris begins pummeling the Cobra around the head, delivering smite after smite. The rest of his long body is oozing black viscera from the large wounds inflicted by an extra fast and extra angry Astris.
[SFX - mace hitting fang, smite sounds, fang breaking]
Astris:
Let's see how tough you are with only one fang!
DM:
Thea is flung far from the cobras mouth as it loses consciousness. The Smiler's cobra avatar lands hard in the sand, making the ground rumble and sending Astris tumbling down a sand dune.
[SFX - rumble thud, Astris tumble, running to Thea]
Astris:
(panting)
Thea I'm coming! Shit she's not moving! Thea please don't be dead!
DM:
As Astris gets closer she sees the jade idol of Oberon float above Thea’s chest. The idol shatters into millions of green sparkles and Thea takes a gasping breath.
Thea:
(gasping breath)
[SFX - Astris landing on her knees in sand]
Astris:
Oh thank the Gods she's breathing! Thea wake up! Please Thea!
Smiler:
(weak, but still has a little fight)
(laughter) The ssssun hassss already sssset. You're too late.
DM:
The grinning cobra lunges to attack Astris. Its remaining fang punches through her shoulder. Sickly yellow venom leaks down the front of her armor.
Astris:
(cry of pain/surprise/rage)
Just die already!
DM:
With an exhausted tug of her hand Astris drives her big red magic shovel down through the cobra's neck, decapitating it. The body disintegrates, and flutters up into the sky on the wind like ash.
Astris:
(labored breath, speech slurred, about to pass out)
Finally shut him up…
[SFX - Astris falling into the sand next to Thea]
Scene 8 - Not Dead Yet
[Ext: Node. Kinkfloof, DM, Gilthaniel, Jessica]
[SFX - feet running in sand, wind]
Kinkfloof:
(out of breath)
Here! They’re over here!
Gilthaniel:
Thea! Astris!
[SFX - falling knee first into the sand, paramedic style]
Jessica:
Are they alive?!
Gilthaniel:
They’re still breathing but barely.
Jessica:
What could have done this to them?
Kinkfloof:
It was a giant snake monster. An avatar of that Smiler guy. Gilthaniel, there might be some healing potions in the pack.
[SFX - bottle clinking, bag rummaging]
Gilthaniel:
Well, standard health potions certainly won't hurt, but I get the feeling they will need magical intervention.
[SFX - cork pop, glugglug]
Jessica:
We need to get them back to camp. The elders can determine what kind of magic holds them in this state.
Gilthaniel:
I’ll lay out the tent canvas, and we can pull them back to the camp.
[SFX - canvas, moving them onto canvas, dragging]
DM:
With Thea and Astris loaded onto the makeshift gurney, Gilthaniel, Bonejaw and Jessica pull them back to the gnoll camp. Upon arrival they are ushered to a secure tent and the healers set about their work. Gilthaniel and Kinkfloof wait anxiously outside the tent.
Kinkfloof:
(disbelief, worried)
I’ve never seen them like that before. Sure they've been through a fair number of fights, but I've never seen them this bad. (beat) Ah shit, if Astris dies Lilith is gonna kill me.
Gilthaniel:
The healers are doing everything they can. Worrying yourself sick never helped anyone.
Kinkfloof:
Yeah, I know. I just really don’t want them to die. They feed me and keep me out of danger, for the most part. But, like, don’t tell them I said that.
DM:
It's sunrise before Jessica comes out of the tent. She looks weary; her eyes are irritated from strain and her hair is disheveled from running her fingers through it.
[SFX - tent flap, footsteps]
Jessica:
Their bodies are healing, but the elders are still unravelling the magical weave that holds them in sleep. They are stable, but rest seems up to Astris and Thea.
Gilthaniel:
With how stubborn both of them are, I think they'll pull through.
Kinkfloof:
Can we go in and sit with them?
Jessica:
Of course.
[SFX - getting to feet, tent flap, footsteps]
Scene 9 - Wake Up
[Int: Tent. Night. Thea, Astris, Kinkfloof, Gilthaniel]
[SFX - light wind, light tent flapping]
Astris:
(groggy confused)
No, Esca… don't go (gasp, panting) Where… Where am I? Wait, Thea!
Kinkfloof:
(profound relief)
Oh thank the gods you’re not dead!
Thea:
(coughing herself awake)
Astris? (wince) Oh gods I hurt all over…
Gilthaniel:
Welcome back. We knew you'd both pull through. (to Thea) Though, you did have me worried, Thea.
Thea:
Sorry about that. The snake… did we kill it?
Kinkfloof:
Well, there wasn't anything there when we arrived, so I guess you did?
Astris:
Good. How long have we been out?
Gilthaniel:
You’ve been unconscious for over a day now. Jessica and the elders have been working to untangle the magic that was holding your minds.
Thea:
(groans)
That long?! No, no we have to go now. Oberon, we can't lose him. If we lose him, we lose everything.
Astris:
I know Thea, but I can barely lift my head up right now, let alone take down the Smiler. You're not in any better shape.
Thea:
(sad meow meow)
Fine.
Kinkfloof:
Why don't I go find you guys some food.
Thea:
Aw, thanks little guy.
Gilthaniel:
I'll accompany him and give the two of you some time alone.
[SFX - footsteps in sand away, tent flap]
[EXIT Gilthaniel and Kinkfloof]
Astris:
So did the Smiler have you trapped in another nightmare? Cause I was actually having a nice dream.
Thea:
Um, yeah actually… so was I. A damn good dream if I'm being honest. In some ways that's more unnerving than just having the nightmares.
Astris:
Yeah, I think I was like, happy? Esca and I ran a school. The kind of place I wish we'd grown up in Thea. It was warm and full of love, which made it difficult to wake up from. I didn't want to leave. What was yours about?
Thea:
Damn, that sounds really nice, Astris. Mine involved much less responsibility. (sigh) I was free. Didn't have the fate of anything resting on my shoulders. Just a traveling bard. But who I was with kept changing between Rhox, Oberon, Feldspar, Carmilla, Gilthaniel, Jax, my lute teacher, and fuck, even a tiefling bartender I fell into bed with once. I don’t know if I like that he knows that.
Astris:
Shit. Well, he did say he just needed to keep us busy. Guess he finally figured out how to stop us from wanting to wake up.
Thea:
In my dream it felt like all of this was a nightmare. I felt so much lighter. But now that I'm awake again everything is so heavy.
Astris:
Waking up from a good dream is never fun, and being spit back into a body that aches all over is even less fun.
Thea:
Yeah, and the Smiler came way too close to actually taking us out this time. So much for the power of our friendship or whatever.
Astris:
I dunno Thea, to me the power of friendship extends beyond just the two of us. We've gone a lot of places in the last few months, and made a lot of friends. Without Kinkfloof, Jessica and Gilthaniel we probably would be dead.
Thea:
I guess you're right. (sigh) I'm sorry Astris. I'm all sorts of tired right now.
Astris:
I get it Thea. Don't worry.
Thea:
You know, as good as that dream was, it was missing you. I don't want to live a life without you in it.
[SFX - fabric shifting]
Astris:
I'd miss you too Thea. Let's get some rest, maybe we can catch the end of those dreams.
Scene 10 - Ring Ring
[Ext: Node. Next Morning. Thea, Astris, DM, Oberon, Lilith, Smiler]
[SFX - light wind]
DM:
The next morning our heroes, including Gilthaniel and Jessica, make their way back to the apex node of fire. The desiccated corpse of a Covenant soldier lays at the base. Gilthaniel and Jessica clear the body, allowing for Thea and Astris to cleanse the node.
Thea:
They must have sacrificed this poor grunt to the crystal. I almost feel bad, but then I don't.
Astris:
Alright, you ready to do this Thea?
Thea:
(breathe) Last one.
[SFX - Astris blood cut and ouch]
Astris:
In the name of Lilith
Thea:
And in the name of Oberon, we cleanse this crystal.
[SFX - whooshing, bad sounding feedback via Smiler]
Smiler:
Hahahaha you rang? Oberon’s not home right now, can I take a message?
Thea:
(gasp) No…
Oberon:
(distant)
Thea, stay away!
Thea:
Oberon! (growls) Eelio, I'm going to end you!
Smiler:
Can’t wait to see you try, my pungent corpse flower.
(Evil laughter)
DM:
The sky above them grows dark, clouds swirling in the sky. The sun turns red as Lilith's voice booms from above.
[SFX - rolling storm, wind, rumbling thunder]
Lilith:
(booming god voice)
Enough little brother!
Smiler:
(laughs)
When I'm through with Oberon, I'll be paying a visit to the Ribbon.
Lilith:
(cold. Serious)
Mark my words, you will never set foot in the Ribbon.
[SFX - ethereal dial tone, they hang up on him]
Astris:
That's right! You tell him Lilith!
Lilith:
Time is short my Paladin. You have successfully freed the elemental leylines from The Smiler's control. Their power is open to you now. Use the crystals to transport between apex nodes.
Thea:
Lady Lilith, is there a node in the feywild?
Lilith:
No. Our domains are sacred to us. Making them difficult to enter is part of their design. Oberon still lives, but move quickly. When the time is right, you will have my aid.
[SFX - whooshing, call ended]
Astris:
Thank you Mother Lilith. We won't fail. (to Thea) Thea, we'll get to the northern border as fast as we can.
Thea:
The farthest north we can get is Utopia. And we need to check in with them anyway.
DM:
The node crystal starts to glow and one of the sides begins to move and flow like liquid. Thea sticks her hand in.
Thea:
Bring me to Utopia. Bring me to Gurt.
[SFX - shimmery magic sounds, teleportation thrumming, goopy schloop through the crystal]
Scene 11 - Boofed
[Int: Utopia. Yoplait™ Place. Thea, Astris, Kinkfloof, Rhox, Khor, Francesca, Gurt, Gilthaniel, Jessica]
[SFX - gloopy slurpy, sloppy style]
Gurt:
Whoa! Thea! Astris! I felt the magic opening up but you jumped through before I could clear the slime for you. Everyone should be on their way here now.
Astris:
Gurt! Oh don't worry about the slime! It's kinda nostalgic; it reminds me of when you hung out under my armor.
Kinkfloof:
(grossed out, slime covered) x
Speak for yourself Astris! This is worse than the water, and this is worse than the sand. Thea, how aren't you covered in slime?
[SFX - prestidigitation sparkle behind Kinkfloof]
Thea:
Oh, I prestidigitated it off of me immediately. Come here you two, let me feel useful.
[SFX - prestimadigitation sound x2]
Thea:
You're welcome!
Gurt:
I will keep the entrance to the crystal slime free for the time being.
[ENTER Rhox, Francesca, Khor]
Rhox:
Q! Q, you're here!
Thea:
(throws herself against his chest)
Rhoooox!
Francesca:
Astris! Oh Astris, I'm so glad you're safe.
Astris:
Esca! I missed you so much!
Khor:
Thea, Astris, I'm afraid we don't have the time for long reunions. The Covenant army is gathered just behind the tree line. The Paladin, Ser Maryam, is leading them. They are preparing to attack the city.
Francesca:
Our agents have confirmed that they experienced a large number of casualties when a rogue wave swept them at the Dueling Delta. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you Astris?
Astris:
Galagos did it! Oh, she's a dragon turtle, and master of ocean currents! Kinda like the wise master here, but instead of lava it's water. She's very old and very powerful.
Thea:
We were on her back the last time we called here. We asked her to flood the Covenant gathering location, but we weren't sure how much damage it would do!
Rhox:
That's incredible! I can't wait for the troops to hear that the two of you are back! It's gonna do wonders for morale!
Thea:
Um about that, we can't stay…
Rhox:
What do you mean you can't stay? The Covenant is right outside our doors! This is the battle we've spent months preparing for, and you're just leaving?
Thea:
I'm not happy about it either, Rhox, but the Smiler is going to kill Oberon. If he succeeds, the battle here won't mean anything. We don't have time for me to get into it all right now, so I'm just asking you to please trust me.
Rhox:
(tired, resigned but understanding)
(sigh) I trust you Q, always will. I'm sorry, I just got you back is all…
Thea:
I know baby, I know. I wish I could stay here too.
Francesca:
Rhox, you've trained our forces remarkably well. They are more dedicated and disciplined than the Covenant army that occupied this city before. My healers are ready to keep all of you standing. We've all been training for this. We're ready. (to Astris) We won't let the city fall until you return, Astris.
Astris:
Hopefully it won't fall even after we return. But thanks.
Khor:
It will be best if we keep both your arrival and departure a secret. We don't need grim and misleading rumors circulating; now least of all.
Thea:
Smart. ‘The Mistress Cacophony and the Pale Knight have fled in our hour of need’ is a terrible headline. I wish we could do more for you in the here and now.
Astris:
(gasp) I have an idea. Gurt we need to send a message.
Gurt:
The leylines are clear, Astris. Anyone near the nodes should be able to hear you.
[SFX - taps crystal]
Astris:
This thing on? Hello? Anyone who can hear me, this is the Pale Knight. Utopia needs your aid now more than ever. The Covenant has amassed all of its forces at our gates. The final battle is upon us.
Thea:
(gasp) Oh that's a great idea Astris! (clears throat. Addresses crystal) I know we have asked too much of you already but this is it. This is our moment. Astris and I go north to kill the Smiler once and for all. Utopia must stand until we return.
Astris:
Thea and I have cleansed all the apex nodes from the Smiler's control. They are open to you as a means of travel, so you can walk through on your end and appear in Utopia. Please send whoever is willing to fight with us.
[SFX - magic mic off]
Khor:
Well said. (beat) Astris, Thea, this would not have been possible without you. The alliances you've forged have made this, our final stand, possible.
Astris:
Everyone already hated the Covenant, they just needed a banner to rally behind. I'm glad we could be that banner.
[SFX - teleporter]
Thea:
This still leaves us with figuring out the fastest way to the feywild.
[ENTER Gilthaniel, as Thea's speaking]
Gilthaniel:
I know the land between here and Haven better than anyone. I can get you to the feywild. I have a canoe stashed off the bank of the Aurora river, it's the fastest way to get you there.
Thea:
Gilt! I guess I’ll just add this onto my tab?
Gilthaniel:
Only problem is, it will still take several days worth of travel to reach the northern border. And we'd have to paddle upstream.
Astris:
(ponders) Hmmm we don't have that sort of time… (gasp) I've got it!
[SFX - talking through crystal]
Astris:
Galagos! We need to reverse the flow of the Aurora river! We’ve gotta travel north as fast as we can, the life of the Green God depends on it!
[SFX - Galagos rawr in approval]
Thea:
You are fucking brilliant Astris. We'll make it there in half the time without having to fight the current!
[ENTER Jessica]
Jessica:
Oh wow the portal worked! (beat) Oh! Hey there, I'm Jessica of the Flaming Coast; alchemist extraordinaire at your service! So, if this portal is gonna stay open I can definitely come back with more of my people.
Khor:
Welcome Jessica of the Flaming Coast. I am Commander Khor, welcome to Utopia. Any aid from the people of the Flaming Coast would be greatly appreciated.
Thea:
I hate to cut this party short but we need to get to the Aurora while it's still flowing north.
Thea:
(voice lower. to Rhox)
Hey Rhox baby, if something happens to me...
Rhox:
Don't even think it, Sweets. You'll come back and then we'll make up for lost time.
Astris:
Esca, when I get back I wanna tell you more about this dream I had where we ran a school. You trained them in healing and I taught combat. It was really nice.
Francesca:
That sounds really lovely Astris, I look forward to hearing more about it. Just make sure you come back to me.
Gurt:
Thea, Astris I've alerted the other Slime Queens to our need for hasty travel. They have assured me the tunnels will be clear for your journey to the Aurora. Good luck to you both.
[SFX - door to tunnels creaks open, footsteps]
Gilthaniel:
North we go again, Thea. This feels familiar.
[End Episode 6]